CHAPTER 5

Honey sat before the mirror and dresser, carefully contemplating her features. Her wide blue eyes were framed with dark lashes, her flawless skin tanned lightly by the sun and her dark hair a curly mane covering well past her shoulders. Honey, unlike most young women, was not terribly concerned about beauty. Honey's critical perusal sought to determine which were her Ma's features and which were inherited from Kid. 'Will he recognize me on sight?' she wondered.

Lou stood behind her eldest child, stroking the shiny hair with the long, slow sweeps of a brush. The eyes of the two women met in the looking glass; Honey offered her Ma a comforting smile while Lou appeared wistful in the reflection.

"It'll grow back Ma," Honey offered as condolence.

Lou only nodded, unable to speak beyond the lump in her throat. Troubled brown eyes swept across her daughter. Her daughter was a true beauty, and the thought of cutting her hair was difficult. More than that, Lou was worried about the young woman's future.

"I have to wonder if I'll ever see you again," Lou admitted, "short or long hair."

Honey swallowed hard, unable to imagine her Ma even thinking such a thing. "Of course I'll be back," Honey declared.

Lou only nodded, and continued to brush through Honey's beautiful hair.

"Don't you ever wonder and worry Ma? Why didn't Kid come back like he intended? What if something happened to him?"

A small tear escaped the corner of Lou's eye, but she quickly wiped it away with a finger. "Oh Honey, I honestly didn't think on it too much. It was just so much easier without him around." Lou's tone pleaded with Honey not to judge too harshly.

Honey let out a long sigh. Her Ma may have moved on from her past with Kid, but Honey did not have the luxury of memories to either ignore or embrace. Kid was a part of her; his blood ran through her veins and her blue eyes belonged to him as well. "Well, I have to know."

"And I understand that," Lou acknowledged, "which is why I'm letting you go off on this crazy hunt."

Again, Honey offered a comforting smile as she continued to enjoy her Ma's attention to her hair. She felt like a child again, basking in the certainty of her mother's unconditional love.

"I didn't find out much at the bank," Honey stated. "The first few deposits came from San Francisco, but after that, they were made by Uncle Buck in Kid's name."

Lou's eyebrows arched. "Buck never said a word to us, except that he got that one letter from Kid."

Shrugging, Honey continued. "That's okay. I first plan to find Uncle Buck. Get a few more answers. Then I'm heading to San Francisco."

"Oh my," gasped Lou, mapping the miles in her mind, "that's so far away." 'Surely Buck will go with her -- not let her go so far all alone,' Lou thought to herself.

"I'll be okay Ma," Honey assured again. Then, without further preamble, Honey picked up the scissors from the dresser. "It's time Ma."

Lou slowly took the scissors from her daughter's palm. Heaving a long sigh, Lou went to work. Honey felt a surprising jolt at the first snip of the scissors and an involuntary shudder swept over her. 'This is part of the plan; it's what I want,' she reminded herself. Honey watched as Lou carefully placed the first long tresses onto the dresser. Drawing her shoulders back with determination, Honey sat unflinching as Lou made quick work of the rest, the shears slicing away at her femininity.
Lou left only a bit of hair touching her daughter's ears. The shorn locks gave Honey almost a gamine appearance, but in a time that all women wore long hair, the transformation was definite.

"It feels so light," Honey declared, fingering the short hair.

"I remember that," Lou laughed, recalling her first impression as "Lou" McCloud so many years before. Then turning serious, Lou began with her reminders. "Now remember what I told you about binding your breast. And always keep plenty of extra rags for that time of the month. Did you get a leather pouch to hide them in?"

Honey nodded. "I won't forget anything Ma, and I can't thank you enough for your help."

Rising from the low chair, Honey turned and flung her arms around her Ma. Both women began crying, and then, with an unspoken understanding, they broke free and began drying their tears. Honey and Lou knew that if they let the crying continue, they might never stop.

Annanbelle's soft knock fell upon the door. "Come in," Lou said with a hiccup.

Walking in quietly, Annabelle entered the room. She let out a gasp at Honey's missing hair -- staring alternately at the hair littered floor and Honey's head. "You look so different!"

"Good," Honey grinned. "That's what I wanted."

"You really look like a boy," Annabelle's stunned voice continued. "And where's your bosoms?"

Lou and Honey glanced at one another with a laugh. "They're in there," Honey assured her sister, glancing down at herself. The beige pants were loose and worn, as was the blue shirt that hung on her petite body. As if the bindings were not enough, Ma had also given her a loose vest, to further hide her womanly curves. Her feet were shod with scuffed brown shoes -- very practical and completely unstylish.

Lou moved over to the bureau as her two daughters conversed. She pulled out her long familiar glasses.

"These should finish the job," Lou declared, placing the spectacles on Honey's nose. "They'll keep those eyes from looking too womanly. Always remember to tuck your head if anyone starts looking too close."

"I will Ma," Honey assured with a solemn nod. "And when I go into a town, I'll make sure to put some dirt on my face."

"Well then, that's about all I can teach ya," Lou admitted.

Annabelle still looked on in surprise -- the transformation was so complete. Just then, Rachel knocked at the door, peeking around the corner.

"Honey!" she managed, her jaw opening and closing like a fish. Then, Rachel turned to Lou. "Shoulda known you'd remember all your tricks."

Lou smiled, somewhat proudly. "I think she'll get by as a boy."

The two sisters hugged, saying a private goodbye, as the older women talked quietly.

"Well," Honey announced, "I'd best get going."

"The menfolk are downstairs on the porch, waiting," Rachel said.

Honey nodded and took one last look around, wondering if it would be the last time she saw her parent's room. Her eyes seemed to memorize the pattern of flowers on the wallpaper, counting each petal. She ran her palm over the wedding ring quilt that covered her parent's bed, committing its softness to memory. Her gaze swept over the night stand, and the wedding photo of a young couple very much in love. Securing the images safely in her memory, she turned and walked purposefully down the stairs, the trio of women following close behind.

Swain, Dixon and Jimmy all turned as the back door opened, their conversation hushed by her appearance. Honey stepped onto the porch and stood, waiting for their first impression.

Unable to wait a second more, Honey demanded, "Well?"

Jimmy shook his head ruefully. His then stole a glance at his wife, standing just behind her eldest daughter and found his voice. "Guess I can see how you fooled us all that time," he surmised.

Honey wanted to fidget, but refused to show even a hint of nervousness. She tilted her chin up a notch and watched her father.

"Does this mean we can call ya our "brother" now?" joked Swain.

Dixon cackled along with his brother's joke. "She sure don't look sweet as Honey anymore."

"You ladies did good," Jimmy finally spoke trying to find a trace of his "Honey" in the young man who stood before him. "I still don't like it, but you did good."

Without a word, he opened his arms to Honey. The strain of the last three years dissolved as Honey moved easily into Jimmy's arms and melted into his warm embrace. The two hugged for a long moment. Jimmy, without words, tried to express his pride and love in that one hug. Likewise, Honey sought Jimmy's understanding and approval.

The two finally broke apart and Honey noticed the men had her horse all saddled and packed.

"Thank you," she stated. Then turning to look at Lou, Rachel and Annabelle, she added, "to all of ya."

Honey strode quickly over to her horse. Being raised on a horse ranch, and modeling her walk on Jimmy and her brothers, Honey had no problem changing her stride to look like a man's.

"Wait," Lou called, as she ran to her, a thousand possibilities of what lay ahead for her daughter tumbling like a rock slide through her thoughts. "One more hug," Lou said, tears glistening in her eyes. "For luck."

Honey readily complied, and stroked her mother's hair making it difficult to surmise who was comforting who. "I'll write every day," Honey promised.

"See that you do," Lou replied with a brave face as she pulled away.

Jimmy came to stand by his wife as his daughter placed her boot in the stirrup and swung her leg over the horse's rump without a trace of girlishness. Her movements were convincing and brought a quick smile to Jimmy's face. Honey had been practicing.

"You never said," he asked, looking up at Honey, "what name you gonna go by?"

Honey gave them a huge grin, her eyes shining mischief. "Kid," she laughed, "of course."

With a loud "yaw", heels urging her steed forward, she waved a farewell over her shoulder. The wind felt wonderful as it caressed her face. And her head felt even lighter with the short hair as she rode. She'd never felt freer, more alive, or more right about her decision. A part of her life that was missing lay waiting for her in this great unknown land. All she had to do was find it.

Rachel urged the other children into the house when Honey became a speck in the distance. Lou and Jimmy remained standing in the yard, watching even when Honey was completely out of sight.

"Ain't right her having to live by her wits like we did," Jimmy commented softly to Lou.

"Would we have lived any other way?" Lou asked, gazing into her husband's gray eyes.

Instead of answering, his eyes again looked out over the horizon, now empty of Honey's form.

"You don't think she'll meet a boy do you?" Jimmy wondered aloud.

Laughing, Lou reached up to caress Jimmy's face. Honey meeting a boy was the least of her worries. She pulled his face down to hers for a tender kiss.

"More'n likely, she'll meet a man," she told him gently. "You really wouldn't want her to settle for a boy would ya?"

The couple stood in the yard like that a long time, holding one another as they whispered quiet words and unspoken prayers. Honey was in God's hands now.