The crowd was somber and respectful as Teaspoon Hunter was laid to rest. The graveside was crowded, with the Hickok family given a place nearest the grave. Jimmy stood numbly, his arm protectively wound around his wife's small waist, his countenance as gray as the suit he wore. Lou looked pale in her black dress, a handkerchief in hand; she continually dabbed her eyes during the service. Rachel stood at the younger woman's side, tears streaming down her face. Beside Rachel stood Honey; the fifteen year old's face was tight and without tears. Instead, the young girl swallowed convulsively at regular intervals, her lips white with grief. Honey cradled Annabelle to her side. Annabelle's dark bonnet hid her red, tear-soaked face. On the other side of Jimmy, Swain and Dixon huddled near their father.
Though young, they well understood this was their final goodbye
to their Grandpa.
Honey wasn't listening as the preacher's soothing voice spoke
about death, heaven and the man they were burying. Grandpa Teaspoon had been
her last stronghold, the last solid thing she had left to hold on to. When she
learned her entire life had been a lie, Honey turned to the only thing constant
-- that constant was the man in the grave. Grandpa's words of wisdom were a
source of learning for the dark-haired girl, but more than that, they had shared
an inexplicable bond. He understood her like no one else in the family, understood
her need to find the man who had sired her.
Over the last three years, Honey had thought plenty about the
man known only as "Kid." Had he ever thought of her? Did her still
miss her mother? Why had he never written? So many unanswered questions bubbled
inside her mind and heart.
Honey cast a glance at her Ma and Pa. As much as she tried to
fight it, she still thought of Jimmy as her Pa. In fact, she daily mourned that
he wasn't her real father. The day she had learned about Kid, the closeness
she felt with the tall man beside her mother evaporated. Instead of the innocent
love of a child, she felt obligation. Gone was the feeling of belonging -- it
was replaced with gratitude and gratitude was not nearly as warm as love. How
could Jimmy love her the same as his "real" children? Honey also noticed
how right the couple looked together, so right that Honey couldn't imagine her
Ma with anyone else. They shared a rare and abiding love; Honey often wished
that she'd find that kind of connection with a man one day. Though she was only
fifteen, she felt mature beyond her years. Some of that maturity was inherent,
but some had blossomed the day her Ma had told her the truth about her parentage.
Returning her attention to the grave, Honey's heart cried though her eyes remained dry. She knew that death was a release for Grandpa, so she grieved more for herself than the man in the coffin. Feeling Annabelle's slight body shudder with a sob, Honey tightened her hold on her younger sister. The rest of the service, Honey concentrated on comforting the girl beside her.
Teaspoon's last advice to Jimmy and Lou jointly echoed in their minds following
the funeral. They felt as if they were waiting on an indefinite deadline, watching
Honey through worried eyes.
It was a week later when the couple was finally approached. As the frenzy of
mealtime settled down, Honey laid down her fork with purpose. Lou and Jimmy
immediately noticed her quiet, but determined action.
"Can we talk after supper?" Honey spoke, looking at her parents.
Though the words were formed in a question, the tone was more of a statement.
Resolutely, Jimmy and Lou nodded.
Rachel watched the exchange with a bit of relief. Teaspoon had spent many a
night sharing his thoughts, worries and opinions with Rachel. For all intents
and purposes, she was Grandma to these children. It pained her to see any of
them hurt -- physically or emotionally. And Honey had been hurting for a long
time.
Clearing her throat, Rachel interrupted. "I'll take care of Swain and Dixon.
Annabelle, will you help me?"
"Of course Grandma," agreed thirteen year old Annabelle.
As Rachel and the children began clearing the table, Honey and her parents
moved into the parlor. Jimmy sat on the couch, his long legs folding in front
of him. Lou sat beside her husband, her hand casually placed on his knee. They
watched, waiting on Honey to take a chair, but she continued to stand.
"We don't stand on formality 'round here?" questioned Lou. "Have
a seat?"
Honey shook her head, clinching her hands in front of her. "Not right
now, thanks." As always, her words were very polite, but the strain was
tangible.
"Emma Honey, we love you. I'd like to think you'd feel comfortable enough
to have a seat while talking to us," Jimmy said, his voice a bit sad.
Taking a deep breath, Honey again shook her head. "I love you too, both
of you," she declared.
Tears immediately stung Lou's eyes at her words. It had been a while since
Honey had offered her affection so easily.
Honey could see the love on her Ma's face, but it didn't change her decision.
Somehow, the young woman knew instinctively, if she didn't find Kid, she'd never
settle into the old comfort of her childhood, much less adulthood, with her
parents.
"I want to find my father," Honey stated unequivocally.
The words caused Jimmy's heart to constrict. Knowing that Kid was Honey's real
pa did not alleviate the pain of hearing it put into words. He wanted to shout
"but I'm your Pa," but he recognized Honey's need to connect with
Kid. Jimmy spoke gently. "Honey, he may not want to be found."
"Then that's his problem," Honey replied.
Lou had to bite back a smile at that. For all the strain of the past few years,
Honey had a spunk that was admirable.
"And how do you plan to go about this?" Lou asked reasonably. "Neither
your Pa or me can run the horse ranch alone. We can't help you right now."
"That's fine 'cause I plan to go alone."
"But Honey, you have no idea the dangers a young woman can face on her
own," Lou argued, well aware of the truth of her words.
"I don't plan to be a young woman," Honey explained, waiting on the
words to assimilate in her mother's mind.
"The hell you say," shouted Jimmy, who quickly caught on to Honey's
plan.
"Jimmy," Lou's voice warned.
"She ain't gonna parade around in britches," he contested.
"You didn't seem to have a problem with me doing it," Lou disputed.
Lou hastily covered her mouth, aware she was arguing for Honey and not against
her. "Not that I think it's a good idea either," she quickly added.
It was too late, and Honey grinned at the advantage. "Why was it okay
for you, but not me?" she demanded.
Jimmy's face was mutinous, Lou was confused, and Honey smelled the victory
already.
"Shouldn't you be thinking of courting?" Jimmy reminded her, trying
to sway the tide of the discussion.
"Courtin'?" Honey was appalled. "One of the boys around here?
I've known them all my life and I wouldn't let one of them court me if'n he
had a dozen horses to offer for me."
Again, Lou bit back a wry smile at Buck's influence on the young girl. Honey
had been appalled when Uncle Buck had teasingly explained the Indian way of
"purchasing" a bride. As much as Honey loved the animal, she was affronted
to think her worth based on horseflesh.
"Ma, Pa, you know as well as I do -- I can track, I'm smart and I've got
a heap of common sense. And I'm a fine hunter; Kid ain't got a chance."
Even Jimmy had to sullenly agree with her boasting; it was all too true. "You're
so young," he argued anyway.
"No younger than you two were. And I can always wire ya'll for help, if'n
I need it," Honey pointed out.
Teaspoon's words reverberated inside Lou's head. If she and Jimmy refused to
let Honey go after Kid, they'd be putting an unrecoverable strain between them.
Jimmy watched the wide range of emotions play across his wife's face -- unconditional
love, fear, pride, and then acceptance. He too vividly remembered Teaspoon's
final advice. As he saw agreement descend upon Lou's features, he knew further
argument was moot.
Sighing heavily, he stood and strode across to Honey. Placing his hand around
her shoulders, he guided her to the couch. Placing Honey, who had somehow become
a woman before his eyes, between he and Lou on the couch, Jimmy took in a deep
breath. "We'll tell you what we know, but it ain't much."
For the first time in three years, Honey's eyes sparkled with vibrancy. Lou
slowly recounted Kid's brief visit to the Hickok ranch following the war. Jimmy
also told her that the bank account in town might be a source of information.
"I want you to take the money with you," Lou said. "It was a
trust for you after all."
"I'll take half," Honey stated firmly. "The rest is for Annabelle
and the boys."
Jimmy thought for a moment. "Your Uncle Buck has heard from him at least
once," he offered. "After they started trying to put his tribe on
a reservation, Buck struck out on his own. He didn't say how, but somehow Kid
got a letter to him."
Honey nodded gratefully, filing the information away for later. "Thank
you both so much for understanding."
"I didn't say I like it," Jimmy had to add.
"Well, thanks for understanding anyway," Honey smiled. For the first time in three years, she felt in control of her life. Finding out the truth had pulled a rug from beneath her feet; it was time to find solid ground again.