CHAPTER 2

Honey's twelfth year began as the best birthday in her memory. She loved being surrounded by her family, and her Ma and Pa were especially attentive. Her parents had given her a new horse, and the mare was splendid; Pa had even already broke the beautiful dark animal. Lou and Annabelle had made her a "grown-up" dress that fit her petite body perfectly. Even Swain and Dixon weren't the obnoxious terrors that normally plagued and followed her daily.
Her mother had made rhubarb pie, her favorite and lemonade filled everyone's cups. Grandma Rachel had bought her brand new boots, much more fashionable than what Honey was accustomed to wearing. And Grandpa Teaspoon had bought her a shiny new saddle. The sentiment, the love and all the work behind each gift meant more to Honey than the gift itself, and she was joyful.
"This is my best birthday ever," announced Honey with certainty.
James Butler Hickok was now a man in his mid-thirties. Just a few gray hairs peeked out around his face and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled; otherwise the years had been kind. Jimmy's chest was broader and his arms thicker than in his days as a Pony Express rider, but his waist was still trim and stomach flat due to hard work on the horse ranch. Her Pa looked proud as he put an arm about her slim shoulders in a hug. "You're growing up ain't ya Emma Honey?"
Lou looked at the two and felt an overwhelming sense of rightness. She felt a bittersweet pang of melancholy that Honey had never known her blood father, but Jimmy couldn't have been more her Pa if he had sired the young girl. Jimmy was the one who had delivered Honey at birth, tucked her into bed at night, kissed her hurts and loved her as his own. Of course, knowing the rightness of her decision wasn't going to make today any easier.
Long after the party ended, Jimmy took off to check on the horses with the two boys in tow. The kitchen was clean and Rachel and Teaspoon had retired to the living room with cups of tea. Lou, at the kitchen sink, looked over at her eldest daughter. Honey was sweeping the kitchen floor, a happy smile on her face, her mood light.
Even though Lou saw a thousand of Kid's qualities in Honey every day, Lou knew the young girl had acquired her temper. Having imagined herself in Honey's place a thousand times over the years, Lou expected a volatile reaction to today's news. Lou just hoped she listened to the whole story before flying off the handle.
"Honey, want to go for a walk with your Ma?" Lou asked. It amazed Lou that even after being a mother for twelve years, she still sometimes felt inadequate for the task.
Honey couldn't pinpoint what seemed odd, but her mother's question was stilted.
"Sure Ma," Honey smiled, though her glance up was quizzical.
Lou wrapped a warm shawl about Honey's shoulders, who shrugged at the motherly affront. Honey was feeling quite the young adult today, and didn't want to be babied. Lou bit back a smile as she settled a wrap around her own shoulders, and the two women walked outside.
Lou, unconsciously, took off for the old oak tree; it was a familiar path and one full of memories. Honey fell in step beside her, quiet despite the jubilant atmosphere earlier.
Honey sensed her mother's sadness, and it worried the young woman. Ma hadn't acted like this since Hannah had died a mere month after being born. Honey's mind drifted back to that time, and though she was only seven, she remembered it well. Ma had been ill the entire pregnancy, and when the baby came a month early, it seemed a natural end to such a difficult time. Like every other birthing, her Pa had been in attendance to Ma, but this time, Rachel went for the doctor. They were all pleasantly surprised when the baby let out a lusty cry after birth, but poor Hannah's health was never very good. A month later, they buried the tiny body and Hannah saw her Ma's grief-stricken dejection overwhelm the entire family.
"Ma, you act sad. Are you thinking about Hannah?"
Lou's startled eyes flew to her daughter's face. "Why no, isn't that terrible? Now, I can actually go a couple of days without thinking about the wee one."
"That's not terrible Ma," Honey sighed. "If grief didn't ever ease up, how would the living ever keep going?"
Lou's soulful brown eyes studied Honey. "How'd you get so grown up?"
Honey merely shrugged.
Lou continued, her thoughts drifting to Kid. "I suspect you're like someone else I used to know, a grown up long before adulthood. But you ain't had all the hardships he did."
Honey only stared at her Ma, the cryptic remarks lost on the young girl. "Ma, you want to talk to me about something?"
"Yes Honey, that's exactly why I wanted to go for this walk. Actually, your Pa would want to be here, but I decided this should be our talk, woman to woman."
Honey was silent, waiting on her to continue.
Motioning to a large log, Lou indicated they should sit down. Honey sat close to her Ma, each sharing the other's warmth on the chilly day.
All the worries that had plagued Lou over the last several years began battling for attention in her head. She often wondered how long they should wait to tell Honey about Kid, her biological father. Lou also worried that Honey would take it hard no matter how early or late in life that they shared the information. Lou dreaded the judgment and censure she was bound to see in Honey's eyes. More than that, Jimmy loved Honey as his own, and it would break his heart if his eldest daughter began treating him with anything less than the devotion of the last twelve years.
"I was married before," Lou said softly.
Honey's eyes widened. "Really?" The young girl was immediately struck at the enormity of Lou's revelation. 'How many things about Ma's past was a secret?' Honey wondered. She couldn't imagine her Ma with anyone but Pa.
Lou nodded and continued. "Let me start at the beginning. If I'm gonna be spilling about the past, I might as well tell all of it."
Honey nodded, urging her to continue.
"I ran away from the orphanage when I wasn't much older than you," Lou began, knowing Honey knew that much. "It didn't take long 'til I was nearly starved. But I'd arrived in St. Jo and met a man named Wickes."
"Was he your first husband?" Honey inquired.
"Gracious no," Lou replied emphatically. "But he gave me work as a laundry girl. At first, I didn't know what the other women did who worked there."
Worrying her bottom lip, Honey raised her eyebrows. "Was it a - a - house of ill repute?"
"Wish I was as smart as you back then," Lou nodded, "but yes, it was."
"You didn't know Ma," Honey attempted to console her for youthful ignorance.
"Well, about a year later, Wickes decided I'd grown up," Lou couldn't finish the thought, but Honey wrapped an arm around her Ma's waist.
"Did he," she paused, "did he hurt ya Ma?" Honey's words were tremulous and fearful.
Lou could only nod as memories assailed her. Choking back tears, Lou hastened to move past this part of the story. "I had one friend, Charlotte, who helped me escape the next morning. I ran far away, cut my hair and started dressing like a boy."
"And that's when you hired on with the Pony Express," Honey surmised, holding tight to her Ma.
"Yes, and that's when I met Uncle Buck, Cody, Ike, Noah, your Pa and Kid," Lou added.
"You ain't ever mentioned Kid before," Honey noted.
Lou swallowed hard at that comment. Kid was such a huge part of her past that it seemed strange her oldest daughter knew nothing about him. Suddenly, Lou felt with great certainty that she'd made a huge mistake in keeping information about Kid from Honey. Kid was a good man and though fate had taken him out of Lou's life, it wasn't fair that her choosing Jimmy had taken him out of Honey's as well.
"Kid was special," Lou began.
Understanding dawned in the young girl's eyes. "He was your first husband."
"Yes he was," Lou admitted.
"Were ya'll secretly married while working for the Express?"
"We married right before the Pony Express ended, right before the War Between the States," Lou explained.
"And I guess he died in the war," Honey summed up. 'This news ain't as bad as I thought it'd be,' thought Honey. The young woman had been holding her breath, unaware of the deep trepidation she felt at her mother's confessions.
"Yes," sighed Lou, "and no."
"Yes and no? Which is it?" Honey moved slightly away from her Ma. She sensed the worst wasn't over after all.
"Honey, when Kid left, I was pregnant," Lou was ready for this to be finished, so they could move on, "with you."
"But Pa's my daddy," Honey shook her head vehemently, denying her Ma's words.
"Your Pa, Jimmy, was there when I got Kid's death notice and he was there to deliver you," Lou explained. "but I was already expecting you when Kid left; I just didn't know it."
"And why are you just now telling me this?" Honey demanded. The shock had turned her youthful face pale, and white lines surrounded her pursed mouth. Realization at the enormity of these facts welled within Honey. Not only had her Ma chosen to keep a great many facts private, but those facts concerned her!
Lou ignored that and continued. "When you were four, Kid came back. The death notice was wrong. Before he rode out, he asked that you be told."
"You sure took your time about it," Honey pointed out, her voice low. Lou could almost see Honey's temper rising as the young girl stood.
"You don't understand," Lou began as she stood beside her, but Honey cut her off.
"And who's fault is that?" Honey responded coldly. "I think I understand a lot more than you think."
"Honey," Lou's single word was laced with warning, but Honey's temper had already boiled over; like her Ma, she was prone to say things without thinking them through.
"Let me see if I have this straight. My real father goes off to war, you get word he's dead and up and marry someone else?" Honey's words were filled with anger and hurt. "Did you secretly want Pa," Honey corrected that remark, "I mean Jimmy, the whole time you were with Kid?"
Honey's insinuation hit Lou like a slap in the face, and her reference to her Pa as "Jimmy" made it even worse. Lou, for the first time in Honey's dozen years, slapped her daughter's face, her palm leaving a red mark on the girl's cheek.
Instead of reacting in anger, Honey's lip began to quiver. Her Ma seldom raised her voice in anger at her children, and certainly never a hand. Honey was filled with remorse, but more than that, she felt confusion. The secure world that Honey had taken for granted completely changed in one afternoon. Replacing the immediate anger was an aching grief like Honey had never experienced. Just before a full sob escaped her chest, Honey turned and ran away, just as fast as her legs and skirt would allow.
Lou sank back onto the log, placed her face in her hands and wept.