by Karen

Author's Note: Thanks to Sameena for all her help with this story. You're the best!

Disclaimer: The characters of The Young Riders were created for television by Ed Spielman. The series aired on ABC TELEVISION from 1989 - 1992. This story is a sequel to my stories "Acceptance" and "Morning Sun" which took place six years after the Pony Express was disbanded.

Chapter Eleven

Buck spent most of the evening trying to compose a note which wouldn't make him seem insane. He started, stopped, started, threw it away, started again, he was ready to throw all the implements of writing across the room when Louise entered.
"Can I help?" she asked.
"I don't know," Buck said as he crumpled his latest attempt into a ball, threw it onto the floor and looked up in surprise at her presence.
"Here, I brung you something to eat. I was bringing Jeremiah's dinner anyway. Decided I'd like to be out of the house for a few hours," Louise explained in reaction to the look Buck gave her.
"Thanks," Buck said putting the writing tools away and taking the plate. "How are you and baby Benjamin doing?"
"We're both fine. Doc just wanted to keep me resting a few extra days to make sure I was really alright; it has about drove me insane. I needed a break and you two needed food. Jeremiah told me you were trying to write a letter to Nicholas' mother to see if he could possibly be yours. So, what do you want to say to her? "
Buck shrugged. "I don't know. I realize it's uncaring of me, but I really haven't thought about her since deciding to court Teresa. I'd wonder about her every so often when I first showed up here, but once I realized how special Teresa was I really didn't think about her anymore." Buck sighed. "Does that make me a terrible person?"
Louise shook her head, "No, it just makes you human. But what do you want to say to her, that's what you need to concentrate on."
Buck took a few bites of food and thought. He swallowed and took a drink, "Mostly I want her to know that Nicholas is alright. That he's healthy and strong and safe. That he misses her and wanted to get back to her, but couldn't and still can't because of our situation. Then I need to know if she's my 'Mary Lou'," he stopped speaking when Louise looked up.
"Why did you call her that?" she asked. "I thought you didn't know her name."
"I didn't, but she reminded me of you, and I didn't know many names for white girls that meant anything to me. I decided your mother must have been a good person to have produced you," he smiled. "So I used what I knew that didn't have bad memories."
"Thank you," said Louise.
"You're welcome," he answered. "Now, any ideas how I say all that?"
"Just a second. Her name is?"
"Anne-Marie Adams," Buck answered.
"Why don't you finish eating while I work on this?" she answered.
Buck nodded and returned to his meal while Louise wrote. When he finished, she took the plate from him and handed him her letter he read:

Dear Anne-Marie,
I am not sure that we have actually met, but I have reason to believe we have. I currently have the pleasure of getting to know your son, Nicholas. He is staying at my home. He would very much like to return to you in Wichita, but cannot at the present time due to circumstances beyond his control. He is well.
There are some things he has told me about his life that make me wonder if it is possible that he is our son. If a man who called himself ___________ and you, Mary Lou, is Nicholas' father, then he is our son. I eagerly await your response. You may send word with this messenger or you are more that welcome to come with him to visit and reclaim Nicholas.

Sincerely,

"You never told me what you called yourself so I couldn't put it," said Louise.
Buck nodded. "Nothing," he said quietly. "I told her about riding for the Pony Express, living in Sweetwater and Rock Creek, a lot of stories about everyone else, especially Ike, but I never gave her a name to call me."
Louise took back the paper and made the corrections. "That explains the name in the Bible," she said.
"What?" Buck asked.
"Nicholas showed me his family Bible earlier. He was getting it ready to bring to you tomorrow. He let me look at it. In the front she's filled in the information. He was baptized Isaac Nicholas Adams. He said he thinks Nathan started calling him Nicholas when he took him from the place she left him. He's not sure since he was so young, but he seems to remember being called Isaac before."
Buck looked up from the letter he was rereading, "I'm such a fool," he said. "I hope when he finds out he doesn't hate me."
Louise took his dinner things and repacked them in her basket, "He won't."
Buck smiled at her, "I hope you're right."
Louise kissed his head, "I am. I think he's hoping you are. Just some things he's said and the way he acts. I just hope if he is, his mother is willing to share.
"Tell you what. You copy that note down, change what you need to, and get it to Jeremiah as quickly as possible. The sooner it's sent; the sooner we know."

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