FAITH
FAITH (after an idea by Nesciri)
Ike glanced up from where he stood among the dead and shriveled plants. He saw Buck and Red Bear sitting together on the hillside overlooking the station. They were half-hidden among the tall swaying grass. Buck suddenly disappeared and Ike knew he was laying down looking up at the sky as he often did when he was feeling at peace with himself. If he wanted to, he could make it so no one could find him for hours. Ike sighed. Buck must be so relaxed that he had no hesitation about showing how happy he was to the world. Red Bear sat with his knees drawn up to his chest and would periodically look down at his little brother. Even from the distance, he could tell they were laughing together. Ike wondered about what. It certainly couldn't be Yellow Crane or the horrible events of the last few weeks. No one in his right mind could laugh about that. They were probably reminiscing about some wonderful time they had shared. Maybe hunting or some sort of game they had played when they were children.
For a moment, Ike felt excluded and jealous of the
brotherly bond that was cemented by blood. No matter how many times, Ike would
stand by Buck, now or forever, he would never have that. He would always be
on the outside looking in at the brothers. Ike kicked at the ground with his
boot sending up a small cloud of dust. He picked up the shovel so he could go
back to work. He hoped that it would take him all day to finish and that he
would be exhausted when he was done. Then he could go to sleep and not have
to look at Buck who would probably be falling all over himself to relive his
precious past with his brother. Not often, but sometimes, Cody or someone else
would persuade him to tell a story about living with the Kiowa. He usually kept
his tone neutral and chose a story that wasn't too personal. This time though,
he would probably tell all about his daring and brave war chief brother who
had rescued them all more times than he could count. He could just hear it now.
The thought of it made Ike sick.
He took an angry swing at some cornstalks that had
all but fallen down. He watched with satisfaction as they snapped in two. "Damn
Kiowa witch," he thought to himself. "Bats, goblins and Yellow Crane."
He was just about to take another swing when the absurdity of the whole situation
struck him. He tipped his chin toward his chest and started to laugh. It started
out soft but quickly grew into a loud, almost hysterical noise. He threw back
his head, laughing to the sky. Tears started to roll down his face as he reveled
in his laughter. He leaned on the handle of the shovel to support himself as
his whole body shook. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket before
he could look back up the hillside. This time, he could smile a little at the
sight that a few minutes before had almost driven him insane. He took a few
ragged breaths to calm him down.
As he kept his eyes focused on the brothers, a twinge
of guilt pierced his gut and made his stomach churn. Before he asked any questions
about his parents, Buck deserved to know the truth. He deserved to know that
Red Bear had wanted to take him back to the Kiowa. He needed to tell Buck that
he was the one who had convinced Red Bear to leave him behind. He needed to
do it before Red Bear left. If they wanted to hate him, they could do it together.
He dropped his shovel to the ground, shoved his hands in his pockets and marched
resignedly up the hill.
Buck must have heard him approach because he picked
his head up and leaned back on his elbows. He was still lying in the grass with
his legs crossed at the ankles. Ike didn't sit down but stood over them blocking
the sun. He took his hands from his pockets. <Buck, I have something to say.
I asked Red Bear to leave you here. I wanted you to stay. Not because it was
better for you but because it was better for me. I would have missed you. I'm
sorry>
Buck didn't say anything but slowly pulled himself
into a sitting position. Red Bear had just offered him a place in the tribe.
He glanced sideways at Red Bear and was uncomfortable with the situation. He
felt like he was the bandana that always divided the rope in the tug-of-war
contests Teaspoon made them sometimes play. "It fine, Ike." Buck thought
that was the easiest thing to say for now. He wasn't sure how he felt but he
couldn't think with both Red Bear and Ike looking at him. He shifted uncomfortably
and put his head down. Ike did the same. Red Bear was left staring back and
forth between them. He suddenly felt like he had not one but two little brothers.
"Running Buck, you are still the same,"
Red Bear laughed while poking Buck in the ribs. "You never could say what
you are thinking so I'll say it for you. You want to stay here."
Buck flinched away from Red Bear's finger, giving
him a sharp look. "And you always speak for me."
"I speak the truth," Red Bear said while
looking at Ike. "You have two brothers now and so you will be at home in
whatever world you choose to live in." Red Bear paused before he continued.
"I just hope that someday you can return to mine if only for a visit."
Buck was surprised. Not that Red Bear knew what
he was thinking. He always knew that. He was surprised by how easy it was for
Red Bear to say what he would have been too afraid or guilty to voice. He did
want to stay here. Any dreams he had about returning to the Kiowa were just
that. Dreams. Dreams of someone who was sick and scared they were going to die
for past sins. Now that he was healthy again, he had the strength to look into
himself and realize the truth. He belonged here. Yellow Crane would have destroyed
more than she could ever have hoped to if Red Bear had taken him back to the
Kiowa. Buck finally nodded in response. "You are right, brother. You speak
the truth. You have never lied to me," Buck spoke while looking Red Bear
in the eyes. Red Bear knew his little brother was referring to the night when
he said they should have left the tribe together. At the time, Buck had thought
Red Bear was trying to placate him because he was sick but now he knew the truth.
If Red Bear could change the past, he would.
Ike sensed an unspoken dialogue between the brothers. Feeling like an outsider, he turned to walk away but Red Bear called to him.
"Stay and tell me about my little brother.
I'm sure he's had a few adventures since we last met." Red Bear looked
Ike straight in the eyes. For the first time in his life, Ike saw Red Bear's
eyes actually twinkle. He decided right there to release his anger and jealousy.
It wasn't worth his time or Buck's or even Red Bear's. They had all just survived
some version of hell. It was time to live again.
Ike sat down as Buck groaned. He threw Ike a warning glance that he knew was going to be ignored. <It all started with this horse race. Buck won a twenty dollar gold piece. He never told us what he spent it on. We could only guess. Anyway, he also got this girl. No one liked her too much, but Little Buck here did…> Ike didn't get much further because Buck tackled him to the ground and tried to keep Ike from moving his hands. Red Bear's laughter could be heard floating down the hill.
If they had looked up, they would have seen him.
All they would have to do was glance over their shoulders but they were too
busy playing games. Luckily, they believed they were safe and so were no longer
looking for danger. He tore his eyes from the three cowards sitting on the hill
so he could glare down at the station below. He watched as they walked out onto
the porch and stood close together. The old man would be easy. The woman though
was stunning and had such lovely red hair. Too bad he would have to destroy
it. The yellow haired one stood with the man that carried two guns. They would
be a challenge but he was ready. His eyes lingered on the small girl as he grinned
wickedly. He licked his lips in anticipation when he saw her lover put an arm
around her waist. He glanced back at the half-breed laughing with that strange
bald-headed friend of his and his beloved brother. His eyes glittered with envy.
He never had friends or a brother to lean on. He turned quickly and walked away.
He didn't want to take chances that he would be seen. It was too early but his
time would come.
Fools! His mother was right…they were all fools.
