FAITH
FAITH (after an idea by Nesciri)
"Little Buck." Red Bear's voice was soft
and he gently rubbed Buck's shoulder. Buck stirred in his bed and opened his
eyes. He was glad his brother was still there.
"Are we going to leave now?" Buck's voice
was hopeful and he looked up at his brother with his those brown eyes that had
always tugged at Red Bear's heart.
"Little Buck, we are not going home now,"
Red spoke to his brother as gently as he could but he made sure his voice was
firm.
"What?" Buck sat up a little in bed. He
was stunned. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"I am going to return to the Kiowa. I am going
to bring the Man of Dreams and he is going to help you."
"Why? I thought I was going with you. I want
to go with you." Buck's voice trembled and he clutched his the blanket
between his fingers.
"Little Buck, understand me. I am just going
for a short while. I will be back and your white family will be with you. They
will watch you for me and when I return we will make you healthy again."
It was the same old story. Red Bear had promised
one thing and was doing another. Buck wanted to turn his back to his brother
but he could not. Buck realized that he never had been able to stand up to Red
Bear. "Don't leave me," he hated himself for pleading. "Please,
don't do this."
"I have to. I have never spoken of this and
I should have many years ago. I need you to look at me." Red Bear grabbed
Buck's jaw and forced his little brother to make eye contact with him. "Running
Buck, you didn't do anything wrong. You never have. You were a wonderful little
boy who should have been treated much better than you were. I should have stopped
the others from hurting you. I was the one who was wrong. I put the tribe and
my position first. It should have been you instead. And if I couldn't have done
that, we should have both left together." Red Bear held onto Buck a few
more seconds before releasing him and walking away.
Buck watched his brother walk out the door and leave. He could hear the sound of a horse riding fast to the west. Buck rolled over in bed and thought about what Red Bear said while wiping the tears away with the back of his hand. He didn't believe his brother when Red Bear said that he should have come first before the needs of the tribe. Half-breeds whose mothers were raped didn't matter and they didn't deserve to matter. No one wanted them. He knew it was true. After all, his brother had left him again.
