WHEN
YOU SEE MEWHEN
YOU SEE MEby Nesciri
CHAPTER 5
It was a relief when Cody found her and told her that Emma had decided that it was time they headed home. She had even promised them to sleep in the following morning since it would be late when they got back. Lou had no clue to how long she'd been sitting outside, but to her relief no one seemed to have noticed. At least Jimmy and Cody had learned to keep their mouths shut while Emma was around, but she feared that their tongues would be freed as soon they were back in the privacy of the bunkhouse. She wondered what they would say if they knew that she was a girl. They she realized that they would probably act the same way no matter what. It was in their nature, just as if was in Buck and Ike's not to. She wondered if Kid talked about the girls he met with his brother in the same way, but decided that he probably didn't. She couldn't see him doing that. Kid wasn't like any other boy or man she'd ever met before and although she tried to tell herself that she was just interested since he was the only one that knew she was a girl, but in her heart she knew she was lying to herself. Kid made her heart beat faster as soon as she saw him and she knew that she had fallen in love. The feeling scared her as much as it made her feel happy. If it hadn't been for a few small things as she had to act as a boy, Kid already had a girlfriend and was not interested in her, life could have been rather good, she thought ironically as she went to bed, trying to shut out the friendly bantering among the boys. Why couldn't it have been someone else, she thought as she sleepily pulled the blanket over her head. Anyone, Jimmy, Cody, Buck or Ike would have been better. Why did it have to be Kid Darrow? She felt the tears running down her cheeks and onto the pillow. Why did life had to be so difficult?
Laura pulled her shawl closer around her as Kid pulled the horses into a halt outside her parents house.
"Well, then we're here," he said softly.
"Yes," Laura murmured as he helped her down. As they reached the porch, she turned to him.
"It's been a wonderful day, Kid," she said with a slight blush.
"It's because of you," Kid stated and took her hand. "I can even forgive you for not dancing all the dances with me."
Laura laughed softly and Kid realized that she had a charming laugh. She had a beautiful smile as well and those brown eyes … he stopped his thoughts. Laura had blue eyes. He quickly shook the image of the brown eyes from his mind and looked into Laura's blue that looked at him with unhidden admiration.
"I couldn't be impolite," she scolded him lightly, knowing that he'd been joking. "Besides, you disappeared," she added with faked disappointment.
"Couldn't see you dance with that handsome Express rider," Kid muttered with a tone that made her laugh again.
"Well, he was handsome," she said with a twinkle in her eye and sat down on the bench on the porch. Kid felt a twinge in his stomach. He had told Lou that he wasn't jealous, but the feeling he now experienced was nothing less than that. He sighed relieved - that could only mean that he in fact was falling in love with Laura, what else could it mean? It couldn't have anything to do with Lou - Louise.
"Kid?" Laura's voice brought him back to reality. "Kid?"
"I'm sorry, Laura." He smiled at her. "I was just thinking."
"What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing special - I was just wondering if you would like to go on a picnic Friday - just you and me?"
Laura felt her heart skip several beats.
"I - I would love to," she answered and lowered her head slightly hoping that he wouldn't see the blush on her face. Then silence fell between them as they sat there watching the stars.
"I s'pose I should be on my way," Kid said finally, but made no movement as to leave.
"Yes, I suppose so," Laura whispered.
"I'll pick you up on Friday then," Kid stammered and rose with his hat in his hand. Laura rose with him.
"I'll look forward to that."
Kid couldn't help casting a glance over to the window where a single light shed it's light over the porch. He was only too aware of that Laura's parents were waiting for their daughter on the other side. He still held Laura's hand and he looked down at their intertwined hands before lifting his eyes to her face. She was beautiful. The features that showed her healthy skin and gleaming eyes in the sunlight, showed a delicate face in the mellow moonlight and holding her tight by her hand he leaned in and let his lips meet hers. Tentatively as first, he kissed her more passionately when he felt her response. The hand in which he held his hat, moved up until it rested on her slim waist holding her to him. Reluctantly he ended the kiss, still keeping her close to him.
"Friday," he said and slowly let her go.
"Friday," she breathed back and then fled inside, as her face felt hot and flushed. A little bewildered, Kid stood on the porch for a few seconds before he placed his hat back on his head and headed back to the Darrow farm.
Lou furiously placed the shovel into the ground. Why Teaspoon had to pick today of all days to build the new fence was beyond her. It was the hottest day for weeks and every move you made caused sweat to run down your face. Not that she minded, at least the hard work kept her minds off the dance the night before. Even so it was with relief she heard Emma call out for them to get some lemonade. Poles, shovels and fence rails were quickly thrown on the ground as the riders strode back to the house where Emma was busy pouring lemonade into glasses. When they approached her she smiled at them, nodding over to the new fence.
"You're doing a great job," she said handing Jimmy the first glass.
"We're working ourselves into an early grave," Jimmy muttered in reply. "Nobody should be forced to work in this heat."
"Work is building character," Teaspoon bellowed behind him.
"Not this kinda work," Cody objected. "The only thing this is building is blisters." He looked miserably at his hands before turning to Emma. "You don't have anything to eat do you?" he asked hopefully.
"No, I don't," Emma laughed, "but as soon as you're finished I'll promise you that there'll be plenty of sandwiches for you - after you've freshen up."
<Why don't we go down to the pond when we're finished,> Ike suggested, looking forward to a real bath.
"That's a good idea," Teaspoon agreed after Buck had translated Ike's signs. "Now let's go back to work, boys!"
As they slowly returned, Teaspoon couldn't help remark on Lou's clothes.
"It'll be a lot cooler if you skipped the shirt, son," he stated.
"I'm fine," Lou muttered. Taking of her shirt was the last thing she wanted to do. And with that came another thought - she couldn't join the boys down to the pond. None of them wore longjohns on a hot day like this and when she realized that they wouldn't be wearing anything for their bath, she felt her cheeks go red. She quickly started to work, hoping that nobody had noticed her blush. She had to get out of the trip down to the pond without waking anybody's suspicions. She just had no clue on how to do it.
"Well done boys! I'd say we're ready for them new horses now." Teaspoon looked proudly over the new corral as the tired boy assembled around him, waiting for his judgement. Cody sank down on the ground, peering at Teaspoon.
"So?" he asked.
Teaspoon nodded slowly. "Yes, I think that bath sounds just as what we need now-"
He had no more uttered the words until Cody was on his feet, rushing over to the horses, with the others right behind. Lou, who still hadn't found a way out, followed, not knowing what to do.
"Last one there is -"
"Hold it Cody!" Emma's voice halted the blonde rider. "I still have a few things for you to do before you leave." The boys all sighed, but Emma wouldn't hear of it. When the few chores Emma had asked for were done, they assembled before her, with hopes in their eyes.
"Alright, you may leave," she said gently and turned to walk back to the house. But before the boys had walked more than a few steps she turned around.
"I forgot," she started and the boys looked suspiciously at each other, almost afraid to turn around and face her.
"Lou, I need some help in the house. Why don't the rest of you head out in advance. Lou can join you later."
All of the ones not chosen sighed and with a look of sympathy for Lou they continued to the horses.
"See you later, Lou!"
"We'll see you at the pond!"
Lou waved to them and walked over to the house, not too disappointed with Emma's request. When she had done the chore, she figured that she could slip away and then meet the others when they were finished with their bath.
"What was it you needed help with, Emma?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen.
"Not much," Emma smiled. "I thought you could join me for a cup of coffee."
Lou looked startled at Emma.
"Auw, Emma, I don't think---" Lou begun as Emma brought out the coffee pot and two cups to the table.
"What?"
"I don't think that this is a good idea."
"Nonsense, now sit down," Emma smiled at her. "You know, you are real pretty under those classes and without that hat."
Lou blushed furiously. Emma wasn't thinking, was she?
"If you pulled your hair back little and a green or blue dress," Emma continued as she poured the coffee. Lou felt herself go weak in the knees.
"Emma?" she asked tentatively and reached for the chair to sit down.
"I've known since you first came," Emma smiled at her.
"You know I'm a girl?"
"Yes."
"Why haven't you said anything?"
"I thought you would tell when you were ready. But after the dance last night, I thought I should talk to you," Emma explained. "And this seem like the right time - I don't think the boys are ready going for a swim with you, do you?"
Lou couldn't help but smile.
"No I don't think so," she admitted.
"And I don't think you're ready for it either," Emma said with a laugh.
Lou sipped the coffee as she tried to adjust to this new situation.
"Have you told anybody?" she asked.
"No. I figured you had your own reasons for dressing as a boy. And if you want to make a living as an Express rider, why not? From what I understand, you do the job as well as the boys."
"I am good at it, Emma," Lou heard herself say. "I didn't think I would be good at it, but I am." She couldn't help keeping the pride out of her voice, but Emma didn't seem to mind.
"That's what Mr. Spoon keeps saying as well," she said.
"Teaspoon thinks I'm doing a good work?" The thought sent a feeling of joy through Lou.
"So why the Express?" Emma asked and soon Lou was telling her most of her story, about her mother's sickness and death, about her sibling and her time at the orphanage and her plans for the future. Emma listened to her story with interest. There was something special with Lou, she had sensed it the first time she saw the girl. Lou, or Louise as Emma had learned was her name, had chosen a difficult path in life, and Emma couldn't help but admire the girl's resolution and stamina. The job was hard on anybody and yet Lou had given it her best and proved she was worthy of the job. From the girl's story Emma also noticed something else, pride and ability and a love for the job and the ones she was working with. Emma's first plan had to be go perhaps convince the girl that she could dress as a girl as it hadn't gone unnoticed that the girl had not enjoyed the dance too much, but seeing Lou sitting there, telling her about the job and the boys, she knew that it would be wrong to deprive her of that. Lou would take that step when she was ready too, Emma figured when Lou stopped talking.
"I'm babbling, ain't I?" she asked slightly nervous.
"No, you were not, "Emma assured her. "I like listening to you."
"Are you gonna tell the others?"
"No, not now. But I think you should at least consider telling the boys. I don't think they would tell and it would be fair to them, wouldn't it?"
Lou grimaced at her.
"Alright," Emma said, looking at the clock on the wall, "but I still think it would be easier for you if they knew. Now I think you better use the shower before they return."
"Thank you, Emma," Lou said, feeling a lot better than she had done earlier. "What shall we tell'em when I never shows up at the pond?"
"I'll just tell them that the chores took longer time than expected," Emma replied as she rose. Together they walked outside and Lou noticed a rider approach and pointed this out to Emma.
"It's Sam," Emma stated as the rider came closer. "Go on and freshen up, Lou. Why don't you come over when the boys are sleeping for a girls' talk?" she smiled.
"You're sure?" Lou asked.
"It's been a long time since I had a woman to talk to out here - I would enjoy that very much, Louise."
Lou nodded and then quickly descended down the stairs. "I'll do that," she promised before heading over to the bunkhouse. I like the way that girl walks and hold her head up, Emma mused before turning to Sam, who now had approached the house.
"Hello there, Sam," she greeted as he dismounted. "It's nice to see you out here again."
"It's always nice to see you, Emma," Sam replied, "but you're not the reason I'm here."
Seeing the seriousness in his face, Emma hurried over to him.
"What's wrong, Sam?" she asked placing a hand over his arm.
"Is Teaspoon here?"
"No, he and the boys are down by the pond, freshin' up. What is it?"
"Indian trouble."
Sam told Teaspoon and the others in the bunkhouse over the sandwiches Emma had prepared. With Sam's presence, nobody had questioned Lou's failure to join them at the pond.
"What happened?" Teaspoon asked.
"The way station over at Stansted was attacked three days ago. The station manager was beaten up, but escaped with his life and a real scare. All horses were stolen. The marshal said that a few riders had been attacked on their runs as well. So far only Express stations and riders have been their targets, but one never knew. I told the town's council about it earlier today, and they are spreading the words to the farmers outside Sweetwater."
"The Stansted station is rather isolated," Teaspoon murmured. "Any other station being attacked?"
"Not that I heard of," Sam said shaking his head.
"Do you know what tribe it was?" Buck asked. He had been silence most of the time of the discussion and Lou wondered what he was thinking.
"I'm not sure, but you can probably help me with that," Sam replied and pulled a piece of leather from his jacket. "This was attached to something that looked like a shield hanging from the fence. The marshal sent it to me, hoping that I could make it out, but I haven't a clue to what it mean. Maybe you can do better."
Under silence Buck accepted the piece and unfolded it. Lou could have sworn that he paled slightly when he saw it.
"It means 'Keep off our lands'," Buck stated slowly and raised his head. "It's a warning."
"I suspected as much," Sam mumbled. "What do you plan to do, Teaspoon?"
Teaspoon scratched his chin.
"I ain't sure," he admitted. "So far we haven't seen any trouble except for Jimmy bein' chased by Indians on his last run, but that happens now and then. I s'pose we could start by using two riders on all runs."
"You can't mean that, Teaspoon," Cody objected. "We're not enough riders to handle that amount of runs. We're few as is it - we could use another rider and you know it!"
"I didn't say that every run - Buck, what tribe is it?"
Buck looked up, apparently he'd been in deep thoughts as he looked a little bit startled.
"Kiowa," he replied.
<Your tribe?> Ike signed worriedly.
"Yes, like me," he mumbled. Lou wondered what that meant to him, but she had little time to worry about that. She had the next run and wanted to know what Teaspoon planned.
"Then all runs that goes over or close to Kiowa land will be handled with two riders. Lou, where are you heading tomorrow?"
"River's End," Lou replied.
"That shouldn't be any trouble. Buck?"
Buck shook his head hesitantly. Following Teaspoon's reasoning the route was off the Kiowa land, but then you could never be sure.
"I'll be fine," Lou stated. It was always easier being on the run on her own - especially when she came to other stations. There wasn't common that a station had a housekeeper like Emma, and sometimes she preferred to use the hotel in the nearby town instead. All that would be easier on her own.
"Then that's settled. Thanks for telling us, Sam."
"We need to keep a guard out by the horses," Luke suggested at the Darrow dinner table. "Sam didn't think we'd have any trouble, but we do have some good horses and I hate to loose'em."
"Not to mention our scalps," Jed said lightly. "Don't worry Ma, we'll be fine," he added after a look on his mother.
"I don't like us staying out here with Indians close," she admitted. "Maybe you could take me into town, Kid? We could stay at Mrs. Archer …"
Jed choked on the food he just placed in his mouth and Kid threw him an angry glance. He loved his mother dearly, but sometimes her care for him was just a bit, well, overwhelming.
"I think I'm better needed her, Ma," he said gently.
"I need the boy, Sara Beth," Luke added and Kid threw him an appreciative glance. "He's one of the best shooters I've seen and he'll be alright.
"Give it up, Ma," Jed added with a laugh. "You're outnumbered."
Sara Beth looked at the men she loved. They were right and she knew she was too overprotective about Kid, but he was her youngest and she could still remember how he had looked and smelled as a baby, when she was all he had. Jed had early declared his independence from her and although she still tried to be a mother to him, he just seemed to shrug of her administrations and she had reluctantly acknowledged that he was a grown man by now. If he only would settle down with a nice girl and raise a family. But Kid was still just a boy, at least in her eyes, even if Luke and Jed tried to tell her the opposite. There was times when she had to fight an urge to run her fingers through that curly hair of his and give him a big hug, just as he had loved when he was four years old. They grew up much too fast, she thought. At least she could still hope that Kid would settle down as a farmer and raise a family, since she long ago had stopped hoping that for Jed. Kid and Laura had looked so nice at the dance and Laura was such a nice girl. She hoped…
"Thanks, Ma, it was delicious as always." Jed rose from the table, interrupting her thoughts.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Just going out for a while," Jed smiled. "Don't worry Ma, I won't let any Indians catch me."
"But where are you going?" Sara Beth demanded.
"Be back later," Jed replied as he walked out the door, leaving Kid to deal with his mother's disappointment and fear.
"He'll be alright," Kid replied, angry with Jed for his selfishness. Kid knew where he was heading. Jed was seeing Mrs. Beaumont, a young widow, a few years older than Jed and certainly not the woman Sara Beth would ever approve of as the mother of her future grandchildren. Kid wished his mother had been easier to please. He knew that she only wanted the best for them, but he had grown up too fast and the trouble he and Jed had seen and experienced in their childhood had made them more than ready to face the harsh reality of life, even if their mother preferred to act as if they still needed protection. Kid secretly hoped that Jed would marry Sally Beaumont. He knew his brother loved her and her girl, and he was always in a better mood when he came back from seeing them. So what if Sally Beaumont had been married and had a girl - it wasn't her fault her husband had been killed. But his mother was brought up learning that it was important who you married and what social status you had in the society. And look what it had brought them - Sara Beth had married over her class and ended up with a brutal man that had threatened to kill her. So she had fled. Right into the arms of a dirt farmer and he had brought them here, half way across the continent. And Kid wouldn't have it any other way. He didn't remember much about the man that had been his birth father, nor did he want to. Luke was more of a father to him than any other man and Kid enjoyed the life as a farmer. It was a hard life, but he had nothing against an honest day's work. And as Luke slowly had earned the respects of the other farmers and elected their spokesman in the town council, the once so small farm had grown and although it was still small enough for the three of them to manage, it gave them a good life.
"I know he'll be alright," Sara Beth said, and then closed her mouth before saying anything else. She smiled at them. "If you say that we'll be alright, then I'll trust you."
"So far they've only attacked the Express," Luke stated. "I doubt they'll dare attack any of the farms."
"The Express? The Pony Express?" Kid looked at him.
"Yes," Luke admitted. "They destroyed the station up at Stansted a few days ago. Cain was gonna head out over to Emma and warn her."
"Emma?" Sara Beth asked.
"Don't worry," Luke continued. "Cain won't let anything happen to her."
"So they'll cancel the runs then?" Kid wanted to know.
"Doubt it," Luke replied, "that would cost the company too much money. I'll guess that the riders just have to be extra careful."
Extra careful. Kid thought about Lou - they wouldn't send her out now, would they? Of course they would, he thought. The company didn't know she was a girl and to them she was just one of the riders. I should have said something, he pondered. I can't let her ride out there, among Indians determined to take her life. Or worse if they found out that she was a girl. But I said I wouldn't tell. Can I do that to her, to save her life?
"You mean that those boys that ride for the Express will have no protection?" Sara Beth looked at Luke. "But they're no older than Kid! Surely nobody will ask them to risk their lives like that?"
"It's their job, Sara Beth. And all of them are orphans, there are no families that will miss them."
"I can't believe you just said that, Luke Darrow! They're just children - and I know Emma cares for them," Sara Beth stated, suddenly worried. As a mother, she just didn't care if the riders were orphans or not, they were still too young to die.
"I'm going over to Emma's tomorrow," she stated to Luke and Kid's surprise. Then Kid realized the chance he just had been given.
"I'll take you, Ma."
Lou waited until the others had gone to sleep before she slipped out of the bunkhouse and over to the house. Emma opened the door before she reached it.
"I thought we could have a cup of tea," Emma said and soon the two of them said by the kitchen table, talking like they had known each other for ever.
"Emma, when you said you decided to talk to me, you said something about the dance?"
"Oh, yes. I'm sorry about that Lou. I should have known how hard it was for you to go to the dance. Your first dance?"
"Yes. I never thought I'd attend it as a boy." Lou smiled wryly at the thought.
"We'll have to see to that. You should attend a dance at a girl as well, I think."
"How can I do that, Emma? If they found out that I'm---"
"We'll find a way, don't you worry. So, have you thought about telling the boys?"
Lou shook her head. That was something she wasn't ready to do.
"So I'm the only one that knows?"
Lou hesitated and Emma noticed.
"Someone else that knows?" she asked gently. "Is it one of the boys?"
"No." Lou shook her head. "No, it ain't one of the boys."
"Someone for your past?" Emma asked, hoping that the girl might have a friend that she could rely on.
Lou shook her head.
"Well, then I won't pry," Emma said, concluding that Lou wasn't gonna tell her.
"It's Kid," Lou blurted out without thinking.
"Kid? As in Kid Darrow?"
Lou nodded. Emma looked confused at her.
"Did you tell him?"
"No, he found out himself. You know when I got wounded on my first run?"
"Yes, Buck and Jimmy found you."
"Well, Kid found me first." Lou blushed slightly.
"I see." Emma looked at the girl. There was something else that Lou wasn't telling her.
"Lou," she started gently, "do you like him?"
"No," Lou replied quickly. "I don't know him," she added.
Emma looked at her with a sad smile and Lou knew that she knew - knew that Lou did like Kid, more than she was willing to admit.
"Maybe I like him. I mean, he's been real nice about not telling anybody, and…" Lou felt the tears burn behind her eyes.
"And you like him a lot," Emma concluded. "Lou, I don't want to hurt you, but…"
"He's got a girlfriend, I know. I can't help how I feel Emma. Guess I just have to get over it. It just that I never met anybody like him. It's like I've known him my whole life. I don't think I ever could be angry with him."
Little did Lou know that it would only be two more days before she would change her mind.