WITHOUT YOU
WITHOUT YOU
The younger Jimmy silently watched his parents from the seclusion of their tent. His mixed emotions clearly shown on his face.
On one hand he was resentful of his father showing up after all this time, but on the other hand he hadn't ever seen his ma so happy.
Finally, Jimmy decided it was up to his ma what to do about Wild Bill, but if he was staying on it didn't mean he had to like it.
The pair sat by the campfire, hand-in-hand, quietly talking. Lou asked what Jimmy had been doing with himself over the years. He told her how he kept moving from town to town, unable to stay in one spot for very long. He had tried marshalling for a time here and there, but every time he would see a mother and her child it would remind him of Lou and he'd start drinking heavily and end up getting fired. "The townsfolk didn't think too much of my drinking, didn't think I had 'sound judgment' is what they called it. Lou, I've shot more men drunk than I have when I was sober. I guess the townspeople were right. I'd always shoot first and ask questions later. Prince of the Pistoleers is what they call me." Jimmy gave a harsh laugh.
Lou squeezed his hand, reassuringly, and Jimmy continued.
"I'm sure you know I went on tour with Cody for a spell."
"I always wondered how on earth he talked you into that. The great Wild Bill Hickok on stage. What'd he do, blackmail you?" She laughed.
"Sort of. He promised to tell me everything you were up to." He quietly admitted.
Lou's jaw dropped open. "You did that just to find out about me?"
He nodded. "'Course it backfired on 'im. With every story he told me about you, I'd sink deeper and deeper into the bottle. We got into this awful fight over my drinkin' and ruinin' his show, so he fired me. Can you believe it? He actually fired me for not doin' my job." Jimmy shook his head at the thought. "He never would tell me where you were though. Oh, he'd tell me bits and pieces of what you were doin', but never how to find you. I think he must of enjoyed my suffering over not bein' able to find you. Finally I gave up."
"Jimmy, he didn't tell you 'cause I told 'im not to. I swore all our family to secrecy. I didn't want to be found. I wanted to hurt you as much as you had hurt me disappearin' like you did." Lou's unshed tears glistened in the firelight as she turned to him. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. Sorry for causin' ya' so much grief. But you hurt me bad sendin' them letters back. And then writin' and telling me to get on with my life without ya'. I just couldn't bear it. That's why I took off.
"First I went to live with Rachel for a time. Buck was gettin' married to a rancher's daughter so we went back for the wedding. I don't think his new bride took too kindly to Jimmy still callin' Buck daddy, so I went back with Rachel. A year later, I went to Emma and Sam's place and helped out with their little ones. As Jimmy got older and able to take care of himself, we struck out on our own. I did odd jobs here and there, washin' mostly. I always had enough money to get by though 'cause I still owned half the ranch Buck and me bought. I always let him know how to get in touch with me and he'd send me half the profits whenever he made a sale.
"Then Teaspoon came down ill. So I made my way down to Texas to take care of him. He died before I could get there. Amanda said it was pneumonia."
"I didn't know 'bout Teaspoon. Guess I thought the old man would live forever." Jimmy wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, thinking of the man that was more a father to him than his own flesh and blood.
They sat in silence for awhile before Lou spoke again.
"After that I made my way up and down the Mississippi River as a lady riverboat gambler. I have to admit that was the most fun I'd had in quite some time." She laughed to herself.
"You always were the best poker player in the bunkhouse, Lou. You musta been a pretty sight." He tucked her hair behind her ear. "But you couldn't have been more pretty than you are right now." He leaned in and kissed her. When he broke the kiss off, she sighed.
"So how'd you end up in a mining town, Lou?"
"The promise of findin' gold. I wanted to finally have enough money to settle down somewhere with Jimmy. This kind of life isn't good for him, never was. So when I heard gold was found in the Black Hills we made our way here as fast as we could. We found some, too." She said proudly.
"I know, Lou. I checked with the assayer before I came out here. I've got ta' tell ya I'm not the only one who knows about it either. You and Jimmy are in danger, Lou."
"Jimmy, we've been fine. Nothin's happened. There's a whole bunch of us out here findin' gold. The claim jumpers can't get us all."
"But, Lou, they know you're a woman. Don't you realize…" Lou cut him off with a kiss, silencing his protests. It wasn't long before Jimmy forgot what he wanted to say.
In between kisses, he finally said, "Um, Lou…" kiss, "…you haven't…"kiss, "…answered…"kiss, "…my question."
"Mmmm…" kiss, "…what question?"
Kiss, "The one…" kiss, "…about making…" kiss, "…an honest man…" kiss, "…of me."
She pulled back for a moment. "If I'm not mistaken, Jimmy Hickok, you're trying to seduce me into saying yes."
"That's the general idea, Lou." He kissed her again even more passionately, gently laying her down on the ground.
Gunshot rang out, kicking up the dirt near the campfire. They were instantly on their feet stamping out the fire. Luckily, the moon was hidden by clouds so the attacker couldn't see them, but it also meant they couldn't see their would-be assassin.
"Take cover behind that boulder. I'll get Jimmy." He said to her.
The younger Jimmy was already one step ahead of his father and had grabbed his gun and was racing towards the shelter.
The trio took refuge together, taking turns firing over the top of the oversized rock.
The gunman's shots pinged off their stone hideout. While reloading, Jimmy quickly told Lou, "This is what I was talkin' about. You're in danger out here."
Only it wasn't Lou who answered him. It was his son and he didn't even try to hide the hostility in his voice. "How do you know they're not here for you, Wild Bill? You're the one that trouble follows. We were fine out here 'til you showed up."
Jimmy tried his best to ignore the hatred from his son and concentrate on their adversary across the campsite. He crept to the side of the rock to get a better vantage point of where their attacker was hiding. Just as the gunman pulled his trigger, the flash of light gave away his position and Jimmy fired. They all heard the yelp of pain and waited. They knew Jimmy's bullet had found its target when silence reigned.
"I'm goin' out there to make sure he's down. Stay here." He didn't wait to see if mother and son listened to him, but slowly snuck up on the position where he'd last seen the flash of gunfire. He practically stumbled over the body in the dark. He kicked the man with the toe of his boot waiting for a reaction. When he didn't get one, he checked the man's pulse. Nothing.
"He's dead." Jimmy called out to the pair. He heard Lou's sigh of relief and the rustle of twigs as they made their way out from behind their sanctuary.
"You two better get some shut-eye. Mornin' will come earlier than we think. I'll camp out here in case we have any more trouble tonight." Gone was the Jimmy of earlier and in his place was the cool, calculating man aptly named 'Prince of the Pistoleers'. He grabbed his bedroll off the back of his horse and laid it out. "'Night you two." He called out and plopped down on his blanket, resting his head on his saddle, cradling one of his Colts across his chest.
"C'mon, Jimmy, that was enough excitement for one night." Lou told her son and they entered the tent. Silently hurting by the sudden change in Jimmy's attitude toward them.
"Ma, we're in danger with him here. Make him go away."
"Now listen to me, James Running Buck, he just saved our lives. And as for him going away, he's not goin' anywhere. So just get used to it. He's your father, you've known that for years now. Whatever danger we're in, we're in it together. We'll find out who that man was in the morning. Jimmy thinks he's after our gold. Who knows. But one thing I do know you're father's not going anywhere this time. We're going to be a family now, like it or not. And it wouldn't kill you to try to get along with him. Once you get to know him you'll discover he loves you very much and just wants to protect us."
"But I don't need his protectin'." Her son protested. "He's the one needin' protection."
"Jimmy, what are you talkin' about?"
"Today. He almost got himself killed 'cause he was too drunk to do anything about it. I shot the man that tried to kill him."
"My God, Jimmy, you coulda gotten hurt or worse." Then a thought dawned on her. "That's what happened this afternoon that had you so upset. Did you kill him?"
Jimmy nodded, starting to shake just thinking about taking another man's life. Then he explained the whole episode to his mother.
"Oh, Jimmy, you've never had to kill anyone before. You did the right thing though, don't ever doubt that." Lou fiercely hugged her son to her chest, not wanting to let go.
Finally giving in, he hugged her back just as strongly. "It was awful, ma, but I just couldn't let him shoot 'im, not when I knew that was my father. I'd been watching Wild Bill for a few days, trying to work up the nerve to talk to him, to tell him who I was."
"So that's where you'd gotten off too. I was afraid you were getting' into trouble. Why didn't you tell me you knew he was in town? We coulda gone to see him together?"
"I didn't want you to see him, not yet. I didn't want him to hurt you again. I know you've been trying to forget him, but every time you look at me you see him. "
When she looked surprised at the knowledge her son had, he added, "I heard you and Aunt Emma talkin' one day."
"And you've been carrying this around with you all this time?" Already knowing his answer, she didn't wait but kept talking. "Honey, listen to me, I love you no matter what. Not because you're Jimmy Hickok's son, but because you're James Running Buck, my son. Nothin' and nobody is going to change that. I love you for who you are, not for who your father is or was. Do you understand what I'm tryin' to say?" She smiled at her son.
"Yeah, ma, I think so." And he smiled back.
"Good. Then let's get some sleep. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow."
As her son laid down, she leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Good night, baby cakes."
"Aw, ma, I'm not a baby anymore." He complained.
"I know, but humor me, you'll be my baby even when you're eighty."
"Goodnight, ma. And ma?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you, too."
Lou smiled and snuggled
down into her covers and sighed softly.