WITHOUT YOU
WITHOUT YOU
Teresa and Jeremiah had been adopted and Lou couldn't believe it. She had always believed they'd be together once she earned enough money for the three of them to live together…somewhere. But she never seemed to be able to earn enough for them to leave the orphanage. Now it was too late.
To make matters even worse, Ike had been killed trying to save Emily Metcalf from Neville. True, that had been a few months ago, but the wound of his loss cut deep into all the riders and no one had been the same since. That was especially true of Buck. He had withdrawn into himself to a place no one seemed to reach, not even Teaspoon and his sweat lodge.
Kid had quit the Express and joined up with the Confederacy in his beloved Virginia to fight in the War Between the States, leaving without so much as a goodbye to anyone. He just upped and left in the middle of the night, leaving a short note explaining where he'd gone. And still no one among them knew his real name so there was no way to know if he was surviving the war or had been killed or captured because no one knew what name to be looking for on the list of dead and wounded that would finally make its way West to Nebraska territory.
Lou had turned to Jimmy for solace. They gave into their affection and passion for one another only once…two months before the Express officially disbanded.
Right before the Express ended, Noah had been shot dead and shortly after that Cody enlisted in the Union Army as a scout. Rachel found work back in Sweetwater as a seamstress and Teaspoon returned to Texas to wait out the end of the war. Leaving only Jimmy, Buck and Lou as the last remaining members of their family.
Three months after Jimmy and Lou had made love, Jimmy encountered two more glory seekers that called him out just days apart of each other. Jimmy was the faster draw of course, but he felt if he stayed near Lou and Buck any longer he would be putting all three of them in danger. So he decided he needed to be moving on. Where, he didn't know. He loved and cared for Lou so much it hurt, but remembering the danger he put her in at Willow Springs prompted him to move on.
It was a week after Jimmy left that Lou discovered she was pregnant with his child. She instantly sent Buck out to track Jimmy down so he would know, but Jimmy seemed to had vanished without a trace. Since they hadn't heard of anyone taking down the famous 'Wild Bill Hickok', they had to believe he was still alive…out there…somewhere.
Buck stayed with Lou, each taking odd jobs where they could get them and living where they could. None of which was easy given the fact not many would hire a half-breed or an unmarried pregnant woman.
Buck finally found steady work as a ranch hand in northern Nebraska Territory. When he was hired on, Lou and Buck agreed it would be better if his boss thought they were married - so that's what they told everyone.
Every once in awhile they would read in the paper about a 'Wild Bill' exploit, but never knowing for sure if it was true or not. Lou would instantly write a letter to the sheriff in that town addressed to Jimmy, but the letters would always be returned unopened, accompanied by a letter from the sheriff stating 'Wild Bill Hickok' had moved on.
After James Running Buck was born in late May 1862, Lou again tried to contact Jimmy to let him know he had a son, but again the letter was returned with another note explaining the same thing all the others had before, Jimmy had simply moved on.
Lou was desperate to find Jimmy and had finally broke down and wrote both Rachel and Teaspoon begging them to instruct Jimmy to write to her if they ever happened to see him again. She never told them her reason behind needing to get in touch with Jimmy, preferring the news come from her and no one else.
Rachel wrote back saying she had been in touch with Cody who had seen Jimmy, also working as a scout for the Union. She said she'd pass word along with Cody the next time she saw him.
Five years passed since little Jimmy had been born and still his father had never written Lou in all that time. Over those five years, Lou finally gave up hope of ever finding Jimmy and settled comfortably into the life her and Buck had made up pretending to be man and wife.
The small cabin reserved for the ranch hands with families was small and sparsely furnished, but it was home for the family of three. There was only one bed and bedroom and Buck and Lou shared it.
Once they had tried to make love, but there just wasn't that spark that needed to be there and they had each quickly apologized to the other and gave up ever trying anything romantically between them again.
Before little Jimmy was born, Buck had built a cradle for the baby. Once Jimmy outgrew that, Buck built a trundle to fit under their bed for him.
Lou was able to take in washing from the other ranch hands, and between her earnings and what Buck made they soon had enough money to buy their own ranch. A small one, but it was all theirs.
Buck added on a room to the small cabin that sat on their ranch for Lou and little Jimmy to hopefully give her some privacy that was never afforded to her in the five years they had been living together.