SOMETIMES THE PAST COMES BACK...

NOT TO HAUNT YOU

by C.C.

CHAPTER 11

It had been several weeks since Adams' attack on her. The circuit Judge had been through and as Jimmy had suspected Adams was sentenced to 5 years in prison for his attack on Lou. Though relieved that he was no longer a threat she still felt afraid of being alone with only her and Seth in the cabin. Kid could sense her uneasiness and had taken to sleeping on the floor of the cabin since the night of the attack. Although it wasn't always easy, they had managed to keep their feelings and emotions in check. Both realizing the comfort they got from each other's presence was more important right now than allowing their basic instincts to take control.

One Saturday afternoon while picnicking by the creek they spoke lightly avoiding subjects that were too deep, usually talking about Seth or the days when they rode for the Pony Express. One particular story Lou was relating caused Kid to laugh while he had a mouth full of cider, he sputtered. "Damn, what a mess" as he eyed the cider which had spilled down his shirt. "Give it to me" Lou laughed at him "I'll wash it out." "I think I have another shirt in my saddle bag", he rose to go to Katy who was tethered to a near by bush. Not surprised by his preparedness she watched him as he removed the soiled shirt, her breath caught in her throat at his exposed chest. He was so muscular and ... her mind began to wander back to the vivid images of her dreams, her hands caressing his muscular chest, her fingers entwining his chest hairs (no, dammit, Louise, stop it now! she reproached herself). Kid was buttoning his new shirt as he approached her and sheepishly handed her his stained shirt. "You sure Lou, I can just take it with me and wash it out at the office" he stated. "Don't be silly, I'll take care of it and you can get it tomorrow."

He suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to tell her. "Oh, er .. I meant to tell you Jimmy asked me to ride out to Fort Wesley with him tomorrow, he's got to transport a prisoner." he looked at her closely trying to read her mind. "We'll be gone a few days", he continued "do you think you'll be okay?" "It ain't been that long since...you know..." Lou knew he was referring to Adams' attack. "I can tell him no, you know he'll understand" he tried to soothe her. "No Kid, it's okay, we'll be fine" she reassured him. Not so much afraid of being alone as she felt the dread of not seeing him for a few days. She hoped he felt the same, although he did not indicate through his facial expression that he did.

While trying to hide his emotions, he was trying to read her face. Did she care if he left, did it matter to her. He did see what he thought was a somewhat disappointed expression on her face, but he didn't know how to take it. Was she still uneasy about being alone, or was it because she would miss him, he inwardly hoped it was the latter. He did know that when Jimmy asked him his first thought was to say no - he didn't want to even go a day without seeing her. But then he realized that he'd have to let her go sooner or later.. Maybe this would help when that time came. He had agreed to go but still had that dull ache inside, knowing he'd miss her terribly, wanting to tell her how he felt, knowing he couldn't.

The next day

Lou spent the day putting some finishing touches on her new home, she spent some time with Dawn, who had quickly become a close friend. After some nice leisurely conversation with her and Buck she picked up Seth and began the short walk home. She was feeling somewhat melancholy, not sure where her life was heading. She knew she couldn't go on like this, things between her and Kid would not be like this forever. She either had to find a way to have him completely or find a way to get him to leave her life, she couldn't continue to have him be part of her life like this, it was much too hard. She knew it was hard on him too.

After putting set Seth to bed she walked into to the kitchen and saw Kid's shirt flung over the back of the chair. She had forgotten she told him she would wash it out for him. She crossed the room to pick it up and when she did she was hit with the scent of him. It flooded her with so many memories and emotions she had to sit, or fall. She sat back and buried her face into the cloth, filling her lungs with the scent. The scent of him, oh my god she thought, how am I going to handle this, I can't take it anymore. She cried once again from the ache within. Without really thinking she walked into her bedroom and undressed. She put the Kid's shirt on and hugged herself tightly. She felt such peace, she could smell him and almost feel him. She crawled between the covers of her bed and slept, a sleep full of sweet dreams, dreams she wished with all her heart would come true.

The next few days were lonely for her, it became her routine to do the chores around her place and head up to Buck and Dawn's to offer any help she could. When she was alone with Seth, she would tell him how much she regretted that his father was the kind of man he was. How she wished Kid could be his real father. He mostly just giggled at her, not understanding any of what she was saying. She found herself sleeping each night in his shirt - feeling him, smelling him. She'd have to wash it before he came back, but for now she'd just enjoy it and the comfort it offered. It was all she could have of him - for now.

It was the following Saturday morning, Kid had been gone almost a week now. Lou tried to sleep in a little, Seth was still sleeping, but no matter what she did she couldn't get back to sleep. So after tossing and turning for what seemed an eternity, she got out of bed and headed into the kitchen. As she approached the front of the cabin the door opened and Kid came in. He stood and stared at her. She looked at his bewilderment forgetting she was dressed only in his shirt. "What's wrong, Kid?" afraid something was terribly the matter. Kid could not believe the feeling that was slowly engulfing him. He had absolutely lost all self-control and before he knew it he had embraced her and they were locked in a passionate kiss. He searched her lips with his, his desire growing by the second. Lou felt herself being lost in him, so many weeks of pent up emotion surfacing, she too had lost all control. All she could do was answer his yearning with her own. His hands roamed her body, finding her naked under his shirt; his desire escalating, his mind numb to anything but her and his need to have her, to make her his again. Lou was shaking trying to free him of his shirt, she wanted to feel his bare skin, needing to touch him, her long supressed craving for him now in control. They began to make their way back to the bedroom, only breaking their passionate kiss when necessary to keep from stumbling. As Lou sank to the bed with the Kid's shirt barely hanging on her tiny frame Kid suddenly pulled away - shock on his face, his deep blue eyes just moments ago full of desire and hunger now full of shame. "Oh god, Lou, oh...please forgive me...I, I..don't know what came over me" he stumbled over his words. "You looked so damn beautiful standing there.... I'm sorry.. I should never....I'm so sorry I should never have lost my control. I need to go, I need to get out of here." He turned to go still muttering "Please forgive me." He almost ran from her leaving her trembling from passion and fear. The fear that he would leave and she would lose him again. Her breathing and heartbeat finally stabilizing she began to dress. She knew what she had to do, she was going back to find Robert. She would get him to give her a divorce. She didn't know how or if she could, she only knew one thing, she would not lose the Kid again, she needed him as much as she needed air to breathe.

After spending sometime riding Kid had finally recovered from his loss of control. Something he was not accustomed to. If there was one thing Kid was known for it was his level head and self-control. He definitely had lost both a little while ago. He berated himself, you should have controlled yourself Kid, you had no right. He thought about her and how she looked, standing there in his shirt. He was sure that he had not wanted anything more in his life that her at that moment. He had to stop himself once again. He was afraid he was losing himself, who he was. The only thing that mattered to him was her. He needed her, he could not exist without her, he knew this now. Maybe he'd go back to Rock Creek, try to reason with Robert. He knew this idea was ludicrous, men like Robert couldn't be reasoned with. But he'd have to try - if Robert wouldn't divorce Lou then maybe he could overcome his convictions, knowing that they had tried. Maybe God would forgive them, but he would not live his life without her, that was the only thing he was sure of. He pulled up in front of the Sheriff's office and noticed Lightening tethered out front.

Kid walked apprehensively into the office to find Lou talking to Jimmy. Jimmy was nodding his head in agreement to something she had said. Lou looked over at him, he turned away from her look, still uncomfortable with what had taken place a few hours ago. Jimmy excused himself, recognizing that the two needed to talk. "What are you planning, Lou?" Kid asked her realizing she and Jimmy had been up to something.

She took a deep breath, and realized they would finally have the long awaited conversation she knew was inevitable. "Kid" she looked deeply into his eyes "we can't continue to deny our feelings, what happened back there Kid, that was bound to happen. It wasn't your fault" she tried to assure him. "I'm as much to blame, you left so quickly, what's the matter Kid, don't you want me?" she questioned him with hurt in her voice. He was taken by surprise at her question, he approached her and stood just a few inched from her "Lou" he spoke in a low husky voice, "what do you mean; don't I want you? Only every minute of every day, I haven't slept in weeks because my mind is full of you and how much I want you. When I saw you standing there, looking so damn sexy, I've never in my life felt the feelings that I felt. I lost all control, hell I didn't know or care about anything else at all... all I wanted was you; to hold you and kiss you and make love to you" he finished his emotional appeal. Lou's tears were freely flowing, "I'm so sorry Kid" knowing the guilt over his actions was eating him up. "I didn't know you were coming - I wouldn't have been dressed like that.. I mean in your shirt and nothin' else."

"I shouldn't have come in without knockin', I just thought you'd be up and dressed" he spoke finally feeling comfortable with her. Realizing they both had come to a decision regarding their future a sense of relief replaced the earlier tension filled air. " I have to tell you Lou" he continued "if we ever get this all worked out and you ever become mine once and for all you are never allowed to wear anything but my shirts" he grinned at her "do you have any idea what you do to me?" his eyes piercing her soul. "Kid" she laughed at him "the other day after you left I picked it up to wash it and smelled you, it was the best smell"...she lingered for just a moment.. "it brought such comfort, I slipped it on and crawled into bed. I felt like I was sleeping with your arms wrapped around me and it felt like you were at my side cause I could smell you, I'm sorry Kid but I never washed it" she grinned at him shyly. "I slept better those nights than I have in years Kid." Realizing she had made up her mind she continued, "I've got to go back to Robert and convince him to give me a divorce. I can't live without you" her eyes filled with emotion. Thinking that he intended to disagree with her she stopped him before he could start "please don't try and stop me."

"I'm not gonna stop you Lou, that's where I was headin' - we'll go together" he simply stated.

"Kid, that ain't such a good idea, Robert's more likely to give me what I want if he don't know your the reason I'm askin" she tried to reason with him. "Jimmy's going to come with me, maybe he'll cooperate more with the law by my side".

"Well then we'll all go - I'll lay low, I promise." he tried to reassure her. "And I ain't gonna argue about it, besides when I came out west I had all the money from selling my farm in Virginia and I put it in the bank in Sweetwater and didn't have time to get it out before we left, so I need to go. And that's final Louise Elizabeth McCloud" he stated abruptly. Lou knew she could almost always have her way with the Kid except when he used her full name. She gave in reluctantly and they began to make their plans. Seth was already at Buck and Dawn's, they needed a few supplies and then they'd be on their way.

Jimmy had made arrangements with another deputy to take over his duties for a while, he didn't know how long he'd be gone. They mounted their horses and headed toward Rock Creek.

CHAPTER 1 - CHAPTER 2 - CHAPTER 3 - CHAPTER 4 - CHAPTER 5 - CHAPTER 6 - CHAPTER 7 - CHAPTER 8 -CHAPTER 9 - CHAPTER 10 - CHAPTER 11 - CHAPTER 12

TO BE CONTINUED...