MY FOOLISH HEART
MY FOOLISH HEART
When we awoke the next morning the world was blanketed in a fine layer of white. Only yesterday the sun had shone and I had actually sweated under my hat and coat. But the brisk breeze that had torn through the land had brought winter at its heels.
I woke to find Lou standing in her nightgown at the window, staring out in great dismay. I knew what she was thinking: how could her friends find her when our tracks were lost in the snow?
Harry hobbled out of his room, yawning and clutching his sore shoulder. "Mornin', Raff."
"Morning, Harry."
"Mornin', Miss," he said.
"Mornin'," she replied, surpisingly polite.
"Sleep all right?" Harry asked her.
"Fine, thanks."
"I'll start buildin' up the fire," he said. He did the best he could, but his shoulder prevented him from doing a very good job.
"Harry," I said, slipping into a flannel shirt, "you really should have that looked at."
He turned to me in surprise. "I can't do that, Raff! We got people lookin' for us, I can't go waltzin' into a doctor's office!"
"The way I see it is this, Harry: no one's ever seen your face. Right? You're always the one behind the bandanna. If you were going to get caught, it would be because I was with you -- this face and accent are going to get by too many people. But if you go alone I think you stand a chance."
Harry pondered the wisdom of this rationale. "It does hurt pretty bad," he admitted. "But what if the doc asks me how I got shot?"
"Tell him it was an accident." I paused, breaking into a smile. "Tell him you were trying to fend off thieves and they shot you."
Harry guffawed, slapping his knee with his other hand. "I just might do that!" he exulted.
Lou was watching us. "How's your side?" she asked me.
"Aching," I said, although truthfully I was able to ignore the pain.
"Do you think you oughta see a doctor, too?" Harry wondered.
"Yes, brilliant idea, Harry. Let's you and I both go into town and leave Lou behind to tidy the place up a bit; I think we can trust her, don't you? Or better yet, let's take her with us!" I clapped my hands together as if the idea was a pleasant one. "Yes, Harry! Let's take her with us into town and introduce her round as our *bloody hostage*!" My sarcasm rapidly descended into a frenzied shout.
Harry winced. "I was just askin', Raff," he said. A familiar sentence from his lips.
I sighed. "Yes, Harry."
He hung his head and walked back to his room like a dog with its tail between its legs.
I felt Lou's eyes on me. "What?" I demanded.
"Are you always this rotten to him?"
"Not always," I sneered.
"How in the world did the two of you hook up?"
"Now who's being nosy?"
She shrugged. "I'm curious."
"It's not a very interesting story."
Harry came out of his room, pulling on his heavy corduroy jacket. He buttoned it up to his neck and grabbed his hat, settling it firmly on his head.
"Looks mighty cold out there," he commented. "I don't especially like the idea of goin' out in it."
I said, "And I don't especially like the idea of you bleeding to death when thta wound gets reopened."
"I didn't say I wasn't goin', Raff." Harry grabbed some cold biscuits from the table and stuffed them in his pockets.
"You'll be fine," I said, as comfortingly as I could. "It's a half-hour's ride to town. You'll be back by late afternoon; I'm sure of it."
He seemed relieved. "You sure you'll be all right here?"
I laughed. "I think I can handle Lou." Deep down I wasn't so sure, but I was more than up to the task. "Ride safe, Harry."
Lou stared at me in surprise.
"Thanks, Raff."
Lou and I watched from the window as Harry disappeared into the barn. A few minutes later he came out riding his horse, and with a quick wave he took off and was soon out of sight. We stayed at the window far longer than was necessary. I think we were both feeling a bit edgy knowing that the next few hours would be spent solely in each other's company. There was a palpable tension between us. I could only think of one thing to break it.
"Care for some breakfast?"
By ten o'clock I could have cheerfully strangled her by her tiny little neck. By ten after I was besottedly in love.
It started when she spotted the game of checkers on the mantlepiece. "Let's play," she said.
I made a face. "I don't play games."
She raised an eyebrow. "Don't you?" she said sarcastically.
"Ha ha."
She laughed. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I think she was actually beginning to like me. I set my book aside, relenting. "All right. Just one game."
The truth was we were both bored out of our minds. After breakfast I had fed and watered my horse, with Lou as my unwilling companion. And then the snow began falling again. Once inside the house we were at a loss as to keep ourselves occupied. I had picked up my book and Lou had sat and stared at the fire. It wasn't exactly an exciting morning. I began to fully comprehend just how bizarre our situation was as I stared at the pages, the words swimming before my eyes.
We began to play. Within the first five moves Lou was whipping me soundly. No matter where I went she found a way to take my men. She had four kings before I'd so much as made it halfway across the board. This is why I don't play games.
"Stop doing that!" I exclaimed as she trounced yet another of my men.
"Doing what?" She giggled in delight, landing her king in its square with an unnecessary thud.
I pointed to the board in outrage. "That! Stop doing that!"
Lou covered her mouth with her hands. "Your move," she said, stifling another giggle.
I glared at her, then began studying the board. I saw my opportunity and moved, at last capturing one of her men. "Aha!" I crowed, flipping the token into the air and catching it again.
Lou stroked her chin and nodded. "Yes," she said gravely, lifting her king."Good move, Rafferty." Then she took three of my men.
"You are a wicked, wicked girl!" I shouted over her laughter.
"You should see the look on your face!" Lou threw her head back, her body shaking with laughter.
"I'm glad you're enjoying my humiliation." My face was red with shame: beaten by a girl, and thoroughly beaten at that.
"You look like this --" Lou stuck her lower lip out and slouched pitifully.
"I don't look like that."
"Yes you do! You look just like Cody does when someone else wins. He gets all pouty and whiney, and you have to baby him for a while till he gets over it."
"I'm not pouting!"
"Tuck your lip in and I'll believe you."
I shook my head. "I give up. I've never had a hostage quite like you, Lou."
She looked at me, her brown eyes dancing with mischief. "That's a
bizarre compliment, but I'll take it." She began removing the game pieces
and
putting them back in the box. "What else is there to do around here?"
But I was still lost in those eyes, the memory of her laughter still warm
and fresh. I thought of the way her nose wrinkled up when she laughed, the
teasing way she had of speaking to me. I could feel my heart doing funny things
inside of me. As it was an entirely new feeling for me, I didn't quite recognize
it at first, but then Lou said, "Won't I have some funny stories to tell
the boys when I get back."
Then I thought of her leaving, and terror seized me. That's when I knew what the feeling was. Good God, I was in love with her. She replaced the box on the shelf and turned to me, hands on her hips. She was dressed again in her dirty breeches and shirt. "I'm goin' stir crazy in here. I need somethin' to do."
I said nothing. I could find no words. I was still trying to reconcile myself with this strange new sensation.
"Cat got your tongue?"
I had to act as naturally as possible. I cleared my throat. "Of course not."
"Good." She looked past me to the window. She gasped loudly. "Rafferty, look!"
I craned my neck and looked. Snow was falling thick and fast. "But it's only October!" I protested, as if the weather could be reasoned with.
Lou flew to the window. "Oh, no," she wailed. "My poor boys, out there in that!"
"I'm sure they'll be fine."
"No thanks to you."
The abrupt change in her temper startled me more than the abrupt change of weather. "Lou?"
She strode off, arms crossed over her chest. "I can't believe I let myself start..." She stopped and did not continue.
"Start what?" I asked shakily. I wanted to go to her, to hold her and comfort her, but I could see how that would be an incredibly stupid thing to do.
"Nothin'," she shot back. "You and your damn thievin'. If it hadn't been for you, me and the boys wouldn't be in this mess!"
"True." It pained me to see the anger in her eyes. I was growing
to love her more with every minute. In my new wisdom I knew that it had started
yesterday as she slept in my arms. For as Christopher Marlowe had said, who
ever loved that loved not at first sight?
Lou whirled back to face me. "Why?" she asked. "You're a smart man, I can see that. Why do you do this? Why can't you make an honest life?"
I shrugged. "We all make our own choices for our own reasons. This is the life for me. I don't care for the working life and I don't care to be among people. What I do -- it's rather fun, really."
"You steal!"
"I steal from people who can afford to be stolen from!" I shouted. "Rich men with fat bellies who drink all day and gamble all night; women who buy new diamonds on the slightest whim; people who don't give a damn about anyone or anything but their wealth and what they can buy with it!"
"Oh, you're a real Robin Hood," retorted Lou. "What gives you the right to judge these people? What makes you any better? You're a thief! Is this really the kind of life you want to lead?"
"Life's but a walking shadow," I quoted, "a poor player
that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it
is a tale told
by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
"Argh!" she exploded, her hands flying up into the air. "You're impossible!" She stormed off into Harry's room and slammed the door.
I wasn't worried she would try and escape. The snow was too thick and her boots and coat were still in the livingroom. She was brave, but she wasn't stupid. Unfortunately, I wasn't so sure I could say the same about myself.