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Disclaimer: This story is the copyright of nesciri and are published
for others to read. Any abuse or infringement of the author's rights
will be governed by Swedish law. The characters have been borrowed from
the TV-drama "The Young Riders" . This has not been done in
order to violate the copyright of the authors of that show, however,
if an infringement has been done, please notify
 -Prologue-
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Chapter 3A Meeting With Death Still a bit dazed Lou let Frank help her up on her feet. When one of the men brought her her horse she looked over at the burning house. "Are we not going to help them?" she asked Frank as the mounted up. "You're sure he ain't one of'em?" the man to her left grunted as a reply as Frank grabbed her arm, hard. "Don't ask," he murmured as she turned to him. Slowly it dawned on Lou that these men were the one rsponsible for the fire and she shuddered. She should have known that Frank James were back to his old habits, robbing and stealing. Looking around for a way to get away from the company she realised that there was no chance of that. They were too many and she would be shot before she even had taken two steps. But she couldn't let the matter be completely as they moved away from the fire. She rode up next to Frank James. "Why?" she whispered as she was next to him. "They supported the Red Legs," Frank replied. "But it looked like a family house," Lou whispered back, anger showing in her voice. Frank James shrugged. "With their help they murdered innocent families," he replied, "They supplied the Red Legs with guns. It's a war going on if you haven't noticed that, and if we don't do anything we're gonna loose." "But---" Lou begun, but hold her tongue. There was no use arguing although she felt sick at the thought of killing families. For the first time she had a hint of fear over what she was about to do - not even Teaspoon's lectures on war had prepared her for this reality. Then another memory returned to her. "Jesse?" she asked. "Is he with you?" Frank became silent and stared ahead of him and for a moment Lou hoped that Jesse would be somewhere else, away from the violence and hatred. But she was about to be disappointed. "He's here," came the sullen reply. "He rode out with Quantrill this morning - you'll meet him at the camp."
They slowly rode into the camp, a few of the men gathered there nodded their greetings but none seemed particularly interesting in the new 'man' riding with'em. all of them were armed and Lou thought they looked tired. She scanned the premise for a sign of Jesse but he was nowhere to be seen. For a second she thought that Frank had lied to her. She dismounted and stared at him. "I thought you said Jesse was here," she said accusingly. "He is." "I can't see him." "Then maybe he's out riding, I don't know." Frank pulled her aside as they walked in to the camp and the others started to tell the few men that met them what had happened. When he was out of earshot from the others he turned her to face him. "What the hell are you doing out here?" he asked. "This is no place for a woman." "You know who I am?" Lou asked, a bit startled. "I should. Jesse hasn't stopped talking about all of you - especially you. I know everything there is to know about you. Where's your husband?" "My husband is in Virginia," Lou replied coldly, angry at the treatment she was receiving. She had not asked to be taken to this camp, and she was in no mood to have her actions questioned by a simple crook like Frank James. "He shouldn't have let you out here on your own," Frank stated and Lou had to bite her tongue not to lash out at him. She had no intention of blowing her cover simply because she was angry. "You have no right questioning what he's did or didn't do," she muttered through clenched teeth. "At least he's fighting for what he beliefs." Frank James looked at her with a crooked smile. "And what do you think we're doin'? And have been doing, while your husband was busy working for the Union army?" "I don't call murdering and robbing fighting," Lou replied icily. Frank turned red with anger. "What we're doin' ain't no different from what men in uniform are," he muttered, "whatever you might think, we're all fighting for what we believe." Lou was about to reply when a familiar voice was heard from behind her back. "Good to see you back, Frank! Told you that it would be a piece of cake taking care of that Henty family. Bet you they weren't even prepared for you - well, that should teach them to burn down innocent people's homes---" Jesse's voice died away as the small man before his brother turned around he found himself face to face with a figure of his past.
Lou stared at the boy approaching her. He was still the gangly youngster she remembered, but something had changed. He still looked as if the clothes he was wearing a bit too big for the scrawny body and he still had that boyish smile in his face as if she was supposed to forgive him for whatever mischief he's been up to. But there was something else, and it wasn't the guns hanging low on his hips, although Lou couldn't help a smile pass over her lips when she saw it - Jesse wore the guns exactly as another friend of hers and it no doubt about who had inspired him. It was clear that the impression James Butler Hickok had left on the boy was still there. But the likeness ended there. There was a cold look in his eyes, despite the smile on his face when he'd seen her. And although he was very much still a teenager, with limbs that seemed to have a life on their own rather than part of his body, his hands rested easily on the gun on his right hip. Too easily. And slowly his words seemed to get to her. "Lou!" Jesse exclaimed, hardly believing his eyes. She looked exactly as she had done when he had left Rock Creek almost two years ago. For as second he pondered what she was doing here, but the joy of seeing her took over and he walked up to her prepared to give her a big hug. But when he saw her face and posture he slowly lowered his arms. There was something in the way she looked at him that made him wonder if this really was going to be the happy meeting he sometimes had dreamed about. "Were you involved in the attack on that farm over by the river, Jesse?" Lou asked coldly, hoping that he would tell her no, that what he just had said would mean something else, that she had been mistaken. Jesse smiled at her, uncertain of what she was meaning. "I wasn't there, if that's what you're asking," he replied lightly, "but I made sure that they wouldn't hurt another family again." "You planned it?" Lou could hardly get the words out. "They were murderin' and robbin' families on our side - it's just fair that---" "Listen to yourself, Jesse," Lou interrupted. "You can't mean what you just said." Taken aback by the anger in her voice, Jesse could feel anger building up inside him. He had longed to see her again and now, when they finally had met again, all she was doing was accusing him, telling him what he should and shouldn't do again, just as he was a little boy. Well, he wasn't that little boy anymore, and nobody, not even Lou told him what to do. "We did what was necessary," he muttered. "You don't understand this, Lou, but we're fighting for our way of life." "And what way of life is that?" Lou stared at the two brothers that now stood before her as Frank had joined his brother. To her surprise it was Frank that lowered his head while Jesse stood his ground. "You shouldn't be talkin' like that if you knew what was going on here," Jesse replied. "This is the real thing, Lou, not some fantasy life back in Rock Creek with the Express." Jesse sneered. "This is were it's all happening - this is what matters. I'm just sorry I never knew about it before." Lou couldn't believe what she was hearing. How could he have changed so much in only two years, she wondered. "Is that how you feel about us?" she asked slowly. "That we treated you wrong?" Jesse hesitated for a second. "Maybe," he replied and shrugged. At that moment somebody called out for Frank and with a quick glance at his brother Frank left and walked back to the camp. Lou and Jesse followed him with their eyes in silence. "It's Frank, isn't it?" Lou asked. "He put you up to this." "Stop blamin' my brother," Jesse muttered. "I can think for myself." "Then why are you doing this? Jesse?" Jesse shrugged again. "Ain't anything else to do." "But all this killing - Jesse, it ain't right." A sardonic smile passed over Jesse's lips. "Where have you been Lou? There's a war going on, or have you missed that?" "This ain't war, Jesse, this is murder." Slowly the tragedy dawned on Lou - Jesse was doing this for some sort of revenge and although she couldn't fathom it, she could feel the anger and frustration that boiled inside the young man before her. It had always been there, but something had happened since he left. There was nobody there to tell him that what he was doing was wrong. "Revenge doesn't justify everything," she said silently. Jesse glared angrily at her and picked up a stone that hi tossed with accuracy at a branch in the tree next to them. They stood there in silence as the moon slowly settled in the sky. "So how are they - the others I mean?" he asked as he stared down on the ground. Lou looked out over the prairie as the moonshine created the shadows she was so used to by now. Not far from them the sound of men talking in excited voices around a brightly burning fire could be heard. She sighed and slowly begun talking, carefully choosing her words. "I suppose you know about Cody and Jimmy," she begun. "Couldn't avoid it," Jesse sneered, "s'pose it was no wonder Cody joined up. After what happened to Noah and all, I mean, but I thought Hickok had more sense than that." Lou couldn't help notice that Jesse had avoided calling Jimmy by his first name, but she refrained from saying anything. "Guess he was dragged into it by that woman, what's her name, Rose-Mary something." The anger and disappointment show through as Jesse spoke and Lou placed an arm on his shoulder. "Do you blame him?" "I just thought he'd stay out of it. I mean if he had, then maybe ---" "You would have too?" Jesse's lower lip protruded as he pondered her question. "Nae, probably not," he replied as if he couldn't care less about what Jimmy was doing. Lou let the subject go although she realized that what he had said was probably just half the truth. "What's Teaspoon doin'?" "He - he lost his job." "Why?" Jesse frowned at her. "He was a good marshal." "He went back to Texas - for a while." "Did he fight?" A spark showed in Jesse's eyes that hadn't been there before, and it frightened Lou a little that he was so interested in knowing who was fighting on his side. "He wasn't allowed to," Lou replied, wishing for the first time that she could have said that Teaspoon had changed his mind. "How stupid of'em," Jesse sneered. "We could have used him with us - then he would have seen some real fighting. We could use Buck as well," he continued. "The army has already asked us to help them sell guns to the Indians if they help us fight the Union," Jesse said eagerly not noticing the blank look in Lou's eyes. Jesse was just about to tell her that Kid could be used to when he saw her expression and silenced. Thinking that it had something to do with Kid he softly asked. "Where's Kid, Lou?" Lou turned to face him, hoping to see the old Jesse there, the Jesse she knew. But still there was that cold glance in her eyes in his voice. Trying not to show her deep disappointment she turned to watch the light from the camp. "Virginia." "Virginia? What's he doin' in Virginia?" Before Lou could answer that, Jesse continued, realizing the answer as he asked the question. "He left you to fight for Virginia?" Jesse's voice was filled with surprise. "How could he leave you - I thought he loved you?" That was something Lou didn't need to hear and she turned to face Jesse. "He loves me, Jesse, and don't you dare say anything else." "I'm just asking why he left you - I wouldn't have." Lou desperately tried to find an answer to defend her husband's actions, but she couldn't find it - partly because she didn't understand herself. Why had he left her to go off fighting for something he'd left years before? Why had he left her? Thoughts swirled in her mind as she tried to find an answer. "Because he needed to do it," she mumbled. "Because he is who he is, and I love him for being just that." Jesse silenced, knowing that he had hurt Lou with what he just said and unable to take it back. Slowly he tried to repair the damage. "Well, at least he's fighting for a good cause," he stated. "And he's on the right side. We'll win this you'll see." Same side? Lou cringed at the thought. Her Kid was not on the same side as this gang of murderers. He couldn't be. She felt confused. Jesse had said that they were fighting a war but what she had witnessed little more than three hours ago was nothing else than murder. How could that be war? Suddenly she felt extremely lost and alone and she shuddered. Jesse saw it an awkwardly put an arm around her shoulders. "Why are you here, Lou?" he asked, relieved when she didn't pushed him away. "I mean, why aren't you back at the station?" Lou straightened herself and suddenly she felt tired. She looked around and Jesse, who suspected what she was looking for, pulled of his jacket and spread it on the ground. "Here," he said, "sit here. I'll get you a cup of coffee." And with those words he was gone. Lou sank down on the ground, pulling her jacket closer around her. It seemed to get colder or what that just her imagination? She gratefully accepted the cup with hot, steaming coffee that the returning Jesse handed to her. Then he sat down next to her, his own cup in his hand. "There's no station there anymore," she mumbled. "Why?" "We never owned it. The company took it back." Jesse didn't seem surprised. "Typical, ain't it - you've risked your life for'em and when you've of no use they take everything away. Just as the Yankees." Lou refused to answer. She wasn't to get dragged into any political discussion. "So?" Jesse asked, expecting her to continue. "So I decided to go after Kid." "That's why you're dressed like that?" "Yes." Jesse sat in silence for a minute. "You can't," he said finally. "What do you mean?" Lou looked at him. "I can't let you do it."
Lou stared at Jesse who met her eyes with a determination she hadn't seen before. "What are you talking about?" she asked angrily. "You don't know what it's like out there, Lou," Jesse explained. "It's no place for a woman." "Neither was riding for the Express but I seemed to handle that alright." Lou felt as if she was going to choke, she was so upset. How dared he implore that she couldn't take care of herself. Jesse had only been a tawny boy when they first had met and he wasn't much older now. "This ain't nothing like ridin' for the Express," Jesse muttered. "And how do you know?" "I've grown up since we last saw each other," came the reply. "I've seen things Lou - terrible things - and I'm telling you that it ain't worth it." "It's worth everything for me to see Kid again," Lou said silently with a dangerous tone in her voice, warning Jesse from pushing the matter. But either he failed to hear it or he ignored it as he shook his head. "You don't understand, Lou. If Kid was here, he would tell you the same thing." "Maybe, maybe not." Lou felt the anger rise within her. "Lou, stay here. Stay and fight with us. I'll keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe. And you'll be helping Kid. All the fighting we're doing here prevents the Yankees from sending more troops to Virginia. Besides, you'd be safer here. We pretty much pick our own fights. And I'll send a message to Rachel to tell her you're safe. And if you don't want to fight, you can always cook." He tried to smile at her, but she stared at him with smoldering eyes, dark as the sky above them. "How dare you," she hissed through clenched teeth. "You don't know what I've been going through." "Lou---" "No. I came here because I'm on my way to be with my husband, no matter what. There's nothing left for me in Nebraska and he's all I got left. You, Cody and Jimmy all left after our wedding. You, of all people, have no right to tell me what to do." "I didn't choose to leave," Jesse stared at her. "Yes, you did. Besides you don't know what Kid went through when he decided to leave. Do you think it was easy for him to leave, Jesse?" "I didn't say that." Jesse stared at her. He couldn't remember ever seeing Lou this mad at him. "I'm just trying to help, Lou." Lou looked at him hoping that he really meant it, but still the distance was there - as if he wanted to keep her away although his every word and actions also told her that he really wanted her to stay. "I know you do," she said after a few minutes of silence. "But I have to go, Jesse, I have to." "Why can't you go back? When this war is won, Kid will return and there's no need for you to go to Virginia." Jesse asked. "There's nothing left there, Jesse. The house is probably sold and torn down by now, Teaspoon and Rachel are on their way to California and" - she paused - "Buck's dead." She knew that it had been almost two months since his death but still it felt like yesterday to her. "I still don't understand why you can't stay here. You'd be among friends and I certainly consider you family." Lou was struck by the tone in his voice. Hadn't he listened to what she had said at all? "Jesse, did you hear what I was telling you - that Buck's dead?" Jesse shrugged. "I didn't know him that well - I mean, he kept pretty much to himself after Ike was killed, didn't he?" "Is that how you feel about us?" Lou asked. "I care about you, Lou," Jesse replied with sincerity. "What about Teaspoon and Jimmy? You don't care about them?" "They've made their choices, I s'pose." "What happened to you Jesse?" she asked silently. "Nothing happened to me, Lou," he replied in an irritated voice. "I'm who I always been - maybe you just choose not to see it." "I still can't believe that you are involved in - this," she said and uncertainly let her arm sweep over the area of the camp. "This is what I believe in," he replied and rose. "And if you're foolish enough to follow Kid into Virginia, then I s'pose there's nothing I can do." He stared down at her. "You ain't gonna find him, you know. I've read the reports - there's a lot of casualties there - and heavy fighting." Lou rose and stared defiantly at him. "I'll find him Jesse. It doesn't matter what you say and think, I'll find him. I know I will." "I would have cared for you, Lou," Jesse muttered and turned away from her, leaving her standing there alone with her heart beating heavily as she tried to ignore his last words. "lot of causalities there - you ain't gonna find him - heavy fighting." "No," she muttered to herself, "I will find him - I have to." She stared after the lonely figure that disappeared into the camp when she realized that his jacket was still lying on the ground. She grabbed it and slowly walked into the camp. She wanted to leave, but she didn't want to leave without trying to clear things up between her and Jesse. She had not been completely fair to him, she pondered as she tried to find him in the small camp. Finally she saw Frank by the horses. "Frank!" He turned to face her. "Where's Jesse? I wanted to return his jacket." "He rode out of here a few minutes ago - said he'd be back later." Frank eyed her suspiciously. "What did you say to him?" "He has change," Lou replied, her anger returning. "Haven't we all?" "What have you done to him?" Lou accused him. "What have you done to turn him into---" "Into what, Louise? A murderer? You think I drove him to that?" The anger was clear in Frank's voice. "Who else?" "What about the people he thought was his family - the ones that turned his back to him for one mistake - for a boy's wish to be with his brother? Have you ever thought about what you did - turning your backs to him?" "We didn't---" "Well, you sure as hell didn't want him back either." "I'm not gonna argue with you," Lou replied tiredly and handed him the jacket. "Tell Jesse that I'm sorry." "You're leaving?" "Yes. There's no point in me staying here." "You aren't gonna tell anybody of your Union friends about us are you?" "I doubt very much that I'll run in to any of them," Lou replied shortly. Suddenly Frank seemed to hesitate as Lou reached for her horse's reins. "You're sure you can't stay?" "Yes." "Lou, Jesse thinks very highly of you. He keeps talking about you and I kinda hoped---" Lou turned to face him. "What happened Frank?" "I don't know," Frank admitted. "Jesse has always been kinds wild, but---. He wasn't so bad until the burned down the farm. Ma had just built it up again and she refused to leave it. She was killed, and I s'pose Jesse took it pretty hard. When we found the gang that had done it - I don't know - he just kept firing at them, even after they were dead." "You should have been there for him." "I tried, but he won't listen to me - he hardly listens to anybody these days, except for Quantrill I guess. I thought maybe you could talk to him?" "I wish I could, Frank, but I can't." Lou wanted to say something more, but she couldn't find the words. She quickly mounted her horse. "Tell him I said goodbye," she said silently and before Frank James could reply, she spurred her horse into a gallop, away from the camp and the death that surrounded it. After a few hundreds yards, she held in her horse and turned around. She could barely make out the sift light from the fire and the silhouettes of the tents. She remembered when Jimmy had told them that Jesse had said to him that he had dreamt about blood and that his brother had told him that death would follow him. They had laughed at it back then, but now she wasn't so sure. The boy she knew had disappeared and she was not sure she wanted to get to know the young man that had taken his place. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach when she thought the changes Jesse had gone through. She wished she could have been there for him. Maybe she could have changed something - but now it was too late. With a heavy heart she turned her horse towards east with a sad feeling that she would never see Jesse James again. |
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