Tom Anderson stared at the small copse of trees surrounding the tiny sod cabin that stood at the very edge of his property.  He regretted ever showing it to her now, had never thought she'd use it to hide from the law.  Apparently Laura Wilson thought him so besotted as to not pose a threat to her.  He knew very well if she'd thought he'd turn her in she'd hide so completely that even he wouldn't know she was there.  He tried not to think about what he'd seen at the Wilson's the morning after she'd disappeared.  Every time he pictured the seen or his mind even touched on what she'd done to that poor woman, Anderson felt the bile rise up into his mouth and it was all he could do to keep from emptying his stomach.  Laura Wilson had lost her mind.  The problem was, she was also carrying his child and for some reason that meant a lot to him.

He'd never pictured himself with a family or caring about any woman longer than it took to get in and out of her bed.  His time with Laura however had been different from his other dalliances for some reason.  There'd been no artifices between them, no expectations of more than they were each willing to give the other.  He'd come to understand her, understand her drive to live up to her parents' expectations.  Other people's approval had become Laura's religion and she worshipped her god daily and fervently.  However, public opinion was a fickle mistress leaving her feeling empty and searching for acceptance, an acceptance Anderson had gladly given her.  If things had been different he might actually venture so far as to say he loved her.

He knew she was sick.  Something had caused her mind to break with reality, something had caused her to do those horrible things.  Tom had fought within himself as to what to do about the knowledge he had.  For two weeks he'd tossed and turned getting little sleep and throwing himself into running his ranch.  He couldn't live with the idea that if he'd gotten the guts to tell someone about Laura he might have been able to prevent an innocent woman's death, could've gotten Laura help and saved her parents the agony of knowing their daughter was not only missing, but also a murderess.  However, if Anderson told the marshal and those deputies of his where she was and what he knew, he was sure they'd try to bring her in and something would happen to the child.  He cared about Laura and didn't want her brought in like a murderess, but he loved his child already and would rather live with his guilt than jeopardize its safety.

With a great sigh, he left the box of supplies on the log next to him and mounted his horse.  Heading in the direction of the main house, Anderson knew she'd wait until he was gone to come out and get the box.  At least he knew she was warm and eating right.

"Lou would you please sit down!  You're drivin' us all crazy pacin' like that!" Jimmy growled.

The agitated woman merely glared at him in response and continued her pacing which was becoming more and more like stomping with each pass.  The look in her eyes was unllike anything Jimmy had ever seen.  It was predatory and angry, cold and calculating and it made chills go down his spine.

From the moment she'd stopped crying, Louise had been pacing, holding her baby tightly as if afraid someone would rip him from her arms.  As the others had tried to track Laura unsuccessfully in the growing darkness and decipher that evening's events she had paced growing more and more angry and detached with each step.

She hated Laura.  For the first time in her life she truly hated a person.  Part of that hate was due to the fact that Laura had done the things which led Lou to hate her.  Another part was directed at Lou herself for feeling the hate and desire for vengeance.  She'd never felt like this before ever, not even toward Wicks and those Unionists in Denver and it scared her.  She'd never thought she was capable of such feelings.  It was a dark side of herself she'd never encountered before and she was ashamed and angry and afraid of herself to the point that she didn't want anyone to comfort her or touch her because she didn't deserve it.

Kid had tried several times to get her to at least sit down, but after one glare from her, he'd backed down.  He'd even run into town for some things so he could stay out at the farm for a number of days without her noticing his absence.  "Jimmy, leave her be," Kid warned quietly.  "Let's just concentrate on what we're gonna do about findin' Laura and keepin' everyone safe."

"We're all just stretched a little thin," Noah said.  "A lot's happened in the last few weeks for everyone.  Maybe it's time we started puttin' the pieces of this puzzle together."

"Noah's right," Teaspoon said, standing from his seat on the sofa.  They all stood in the parlor of the farmhouse as they struggled to understand what was going on.  After that afternoon's events, he'd refused to allow Louise and the children anywhere near the bunkhouse until they found Laura.  He knew Rachel was probably listening from her bed upstairs, worrying instead of resting.  "What we need to do now is figure this all out and decide how to go about findin' Laura Wilson, figure out why she'd murder a woman in cold blood and then do what she done today."

"She's loco?" Buck suggested sarcastically.  When Teaspoon glared at him, he looked down at the floor.  "Sorry, that ain't helpin'," he apologized.

The men continued to hash out their theories as to why Laura'd murdered Maria and attacked Lexi, but Kid let it all fade away as he watched Lou.  He wanted nothing more than to hold her close and protect her from everything, comfort her, anything to erase the lines on her face, the tension in her shoulders, the way she jumped at every sound and constantly watched the door.  He knew she was angry beyond anything he'd ever seen, but she was also terrified and trying her best not to show it.

His mind went over and over what had happened, his mind's eye lingering on the note that lay on the table.  "I'm still here," it had read and somehow he knew it was directed at him, not Lou or anyone else.  Somehow he knew she was reminding him of what they'd shared, warning him that she wasn't just going to go away because he loved Lou.  A thought occurred to him and wordlessly he stood from his seat at the hearth and picked up the note lying on the end table.

Noah noticed Kid's preoccupation as he picked up the page.  Kid's brow furrowed as he re-read the note, his eyes lifting to stare straight ahead in contemplation afterwards.  "Kid, what's wrong?" he asked.

Kid didn't reply, merely continued thinking hard, causing the others to quiet and watch him.  Even Louise, at the sudden silence, stopped pacing, her wide brown eyes showing the first sign of life in hours.

There was something about the note, something that pricked at Kid's consciousness, nagged at him.  He was so close to the reason he felt like he should be able to just reach out and clasp his hand around it, but it kept slipping further from him.  He read and re-read the note in his hand.  Something about the note, he thought.  Something about the words?  No.  Something about the...writing!  Suddenly he was spurred into action.  Racing out into the darkness, he strode purposefully toward the bunkhouse, the dogs following eagerly at his heels.  Without bothering to light a lamp, he went to his saddlebags on his bunk and searched within them until his hand encountered paper.  Triumphantly, holding it up, he hurried back to the house.

"What you got there, son?" Teaspoon asked.  He could tell Kid was on to something.  He just hoped it would prove fruitful.

Kid didn't reply, but instead held both notes up next to each other in the lamplight.  His heart began to pound as he compared the two pages.  The other men had come up behind him and were watching over his shoulder.  Just as he'd thought, the handwriting on both pages matched exactly.  "She wrote them both," Kid muttered.

He turned around quickly, nearly toppling Noah who stood closest behind him.  Kid held up both pages.  "This," he said shaking the one in his left hand a bit, "is the note Laura left in Lexi's basket.  And this is the note Rachel found in Lexi's cradle weeks ago.  Laura wrote both of them, which means she also wrote the others Lou got threatening her and the kids."

Teaspoon took both letters from Kid and looked them over, seeing that the man was right.  He passed them along to the others to observe.

"I'd thought it was Anderson or one of the women from town who didn't like me," Lou said softly from across the room.

Kid turned to grin triumphantly at Lou, but she didn't share his feelings.  Something tugged at the fibers of her memory, but as she reached out to grasp it, the thought buried itself further in the fog.  She knew both Anderson and Laura had been at Silverbirch the night of the fire, the notes Kid held had resparked that particular memory again.  However, there was something else she knew was so incredibly important she had to remember about those two and the fire that kept evading her.  If she could only remember it, she knew they'd have the proof to charge someone with her own attempted murder and arson, not to mention finally have all the answers they needed.  God, if only she could remember!

"So what's this all mean?" Jimmy asked.  "We already know she killed Maria."

"What it means is that Laura Wilson is still in the area and she's been threatening Lou for some time.  For some reason, whatever she had planned, which I suspect hinges on her hatred for Louise here, ain't finished," Teaspoon said seriously.  "I want you boys ready to go at first light.  We're gonna go into town and gather us another posse, then we're gonna comb every inch of my jurisdiction 'til we find her.  Lou and these little ones ain't safe 'til Laura Wilson's locked up."

<But why would she come after Lexi?> Ike signed.  <If she hates Lou so much why not just go after her?  And why risk us finding her by doing something before dark?>

Noah shrugged, handing the notes back to Kid.  "Seems to me that Laura had this nice little future planned for her and Kid that Lou messed up when she came back.  Maybe she thinks she can hurt Lou by hurting Lexi," he proposed.

"But she didn't hurt Lexi," Buck pointed out quickly.  "The blood must've been on her hands from the rabbit when she picked him up.  Kid and Lou didn't find any cuts or anything on him."

Jimmy rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly.  "None of this makes any sense," he said frustratedly.  "I still think Anderson's got somethin' to do with this or he knows somethin'."

"So, we'll stop by Anderson's tomorrow and see what he knows," Teaspoon replied shortly, his tone of voice bespeaking of the stress he was under.  "We can split the posse up into smaller groups and cover more ground."

"It won't matter how many men you get, Teaspoon -- ten, twenty, she'll still be out there."

The others turned to look at Lou.  Kid's brow furrowed at the toneless defeat he heard in her voice.  He walked to her, cupping her cheek.  "We're gonna find her, Lou, I promise," he said softly.  "I won't let anythin' happen to you, Lexi, or Theresa."

Lou's gaze dropped and she shifted the sleeping baby in her arms.  "It may happen whether or not you want it to," she said dully.

"Lou, honey, nothin's gonna...."

"You can't protect me!" she shouted back.  "None of you can protect us.  Look at what happened today.  You were all here and she still walked right into the bunkhouse.  She touched my son!"  Her eyes held no accusation as they looked at each man in turn.  Instinctively, she knew what Laura Wilson wanted.  What frightened Louise the most was that she could understand the woman, could understand what would set her over the edge.  "Laura wants me gone, wants me dead.  Nothing is gonna stop her from seeing that.  Nothing!  You didn't see her eyes.  There was nothing there. They were completely empty and they hated, hated me, hated the very fact that I'd ever been born."

Teaspoon stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.  "Lou, now I know you're scared but you gotta trust that we'll find her and keep you safe," he said.

"You're damn right I'm scared!  She wants my life and what scares me most is that I can't be sure I wouldn't do the same thing in her position," Lou admitted.

Noah shook his head adamantly.  "No, you wouldn't," he said.

"Noah's right.  You'd never murder an innocent person.  Ya shot lots of times in self-defense, but you'd never murder someone, Lou.  I know you.  You don't have it in you," Kid assured her.

Lou laughed nervously.  "Oh, wouldn't I?  You so sure about that Kid?  'Cause right now I'm seriously thinkin' about it!"

No one spoke after that.  None of them had ever seen Lou like that, had never seen her so unbalanced.  She'd always been able to do what needed to be done when they were all in trouble, but she never acted without thinking.  All of the boys at one time or another, sometimes more, had dashed off to do something stupid in reaction to something that had happened.  Lou was always the one who could rationally assess a situation, who thought before acting.  Even when she acted on her temper, she never did anything truly stupid like taking on more than one person at a time.  There was a cool, detached quality about her that was missing from the woman before them.

Teaspoon ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he heard his daughter's wail upstairs.  "It's been a long day for everyone," he said.  "If we're leavin' early you boys best get some sleep.  You need some rest, too, Lou."

The boys all filed slowly out of the house, heading towards the bunkhouse.  Teaspoon bade them goodnight before hurrying upstairs to his wife and new baby.

Kid turned out the lamp in the parlor wordlessly before taking Lou's hand and leading her upstairs.  He was struck by the fact that she simply took his hand and allowed him to lead her.  Part of him longed for her to rail at him that she wasn't a child, that she could take care of herself the way she used to.  However, he knew this whole experience had changed her, he could feel it in her very presence.  Time was when she would've hidden how shaken she was.  Now, he could plainly see the fear and anger in her eyes.  She needed him, finally, and instead of being elated at the prospect he'd longed for, the idea scared him.  He wasn't used to Lou needing him.

Kid led her into her room, noting that Lexi's cradle had already been moved from the room he'd shared with Theresa. Normally, he'd just kiss her goodnight and leave, but tonight -- tonight was different.  After all that had happened the last few weeks, Kid felt, irrationally he admitted to himself, that Lou'd disappear somehow if he wasn't with her.  As if he could really protect her and shelter her from reality.  He needed to be close to her and instinctively, he knew she needed it as well -- needed that world that only existed between the two of them that allowed them to shut out the rest of the world.

He shut the door quietly, turning to watch as Lou kneeled to lay Lexi in his cradle.  She gently stroked the baby's face, smiling as one tiny thumb made its way into his mouth.

"She wants you you know," Lou said softly, not looking away from the child.  "That's what this is about.  She wants you and her and her baby to be this perfect, happy little family and me and Lexi are in the way.  If I hadn't come back then you and Laura would be married and none of this would be happenin'."

"You're not in the way, Lou, I am," Kid replied.  He moved to sit at the foot of the bed, her back to him where she knelt by the cradle.  "My feelings for Laura changed, started changing before you came back even though I tried not to see it."  He paused a moment and silence reigned before he corrected himself softly.  "No, I changed."

At the tone of his voice, Lou turned around curiously.  There was a jangle of mixed emotions within her eyes, even in the darkness.  The moonlight shown through her window, illuminating her bright eyes and making her look like a little girl caught between fear and hope.  Her vulnerability at the moment was only magnified by her normal poise and confidence.  Again, he was privy to a side of Louise McCloud few had ever seen.  It was the child living within the warrior.  Kid's chest tightened painfully and he extended a hand to her.  "Come 'ere," he whispered huskily.

Lou came willingly, pulled closer by his hands framing her hips.  She let him settle her on his lap, her forehead resting against his as one arm wrapped around her waist.  "I hate this, all of this," she murmured.

"I know, baby," Kid soothed, kissing her gently, one hand stroking the skin on the back of her neck beneath the weight of her hair.  "It'll all be over soon, I promise you."

"You can't promise me that, Kid," she said rationally.

"I know but I can try can't I?" he said, grinning.  That earned him a half smile from her in response.  "You need some sleep, Lou."

"I can't," Lou whispered.  "Everytime I close my eyes I see her or those bloody handprints all over my baby and I get so...so angry and scared at the same time.  I feel like she's watching everything I do, just watching and waiting until I feel safe so she can do something else."

"She's not."

"But it feels like she is," Lou protested emotionally.  She hated herself for feeling so weak, for feeling so vulnerable and scared and angry.  Where was her calm, cool self, the strong woman who could take on the world?  She'd been somehow replaced by this emotional, weepy woman who wanted nothing more than to curl up in her man's arms and hide forever.  "Kid?"

"Hmm?"

She looked down a moment, swallowing around the lump in her throat.  "Would you...would you just hold me?" Lou asked in a tiny voice.

Kid pulled her closer, her arms wrapping around his neck.  "My strong baby," he muttered, tucking her head beneath his chin.  He held her close, letting her absorb his strength. "You know, there ain't nothin' wrong with needin' someone sometimes," Kid advised.

There was something in his voice, something vulnerable pleading with her to let her guard down.  He hadn't said so, but Lou could almost hear his heart crying, "Please need me."

Louise slowly pulled back to look at him, her hands framing his face -- the face that was so dear to her.  "I love you," she said simply, "and I do need you."  It was a luxury she hadn't had for a long time -- the ability to tell him she loved him, the ability to lean on someone else for a change.  Now she could and Lou swore to herself that she'd spend her lifetime telling him how she felt.  She could see the love he had for her in his eyes and gently she kissed him, smiling against his lips as he returned her kiss passionately, one hand stroking her thigh through her skirt.

When the kiss was over, she pulled away and out of his arms, standing to her feet before him.  Lou held a hand out to him, a welcoming smile on her face.  He took her hand curiously, following her as she walked around to the side of the bed.  She sat down on the edge, bending to remove her shoes and stockings before unbuttoning her blouse and stepping out of her skirt.  "Stay with me tonight?" she asked quietly, afraid he'd decline.

She stood before him clad only in her white shift.  There was something so innocent about her and although she was beautiful, the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and he wanted her then and there, he knew that sex was not what she meant or needed from him.  Without replying, Kid kicked off his boots and socks, setting them aside and then stripping off his shirt and the top of his longjohns.  When he looked up, Lou had crawled beneath the covers of the bed and watched him expectantly.  She held her arms out for him and smiled as he eagerly came into them pillowing his head on the softness of her breasts, his arms wrapping tightly around her form.

It felt so warm and safe and perfect lying there like they used to tangled in each other, fitting together.  Lou's fingers sifted through the softness of his hair, contentedly staring at the ceiling.  They could hear the low mumble of Teaspoon and Rachel's voices from down the hall, the squeak of the rocking chair in their room as someone rocked the newborn Rose.  Kid moved his head slightly to nuzzle her neck, mumbling an unintelligible endearment as one hand slid down her back and around to stroke her hip and thigh through the cotton of her shift.

His hand on her hip and his lips against the skin of her neck prompted images of the night she was shot, reminded Lou of Anderson and Laura Wilson for some reason.  "They were there that night -- Anderson and Laura.  They were at Silverbirch the night of the fire," she said quietly, "together."  Suddenly she had that antsy feeling again and gently pulled out of his arms and sat up in the bed, pulling her kees up in front of her.

Kid sat up as well to sit next to her, their shoulders touching.  "You remember somethin' don't ya, Lou?" he said, watching her intently.

Louise shrugged, her brow furrowing.  "When we went out to Silverbirch that day, the day I told you about Wicks, I remembered their horses being there, hobbled in front of the house.  I remember them bein' inside and then...."  She broke off, rubbing her temple in irritation.  "Why can't I remember it?"

"Lou, it's alright!  Don't push yourself.  Just let it come when it comes; don't force it," Kid said gently.

"It's just so damned frustrating!  I'm so close, I can feel it so close in my head like I can almost touch it, but not quite.  And it's so important," Lou said, keeping her voice low.  "It's all linked together somehow."  She rested her head tiredly against her bent knees.

Kid said nothing, not really knowing what to say.  Instead, he stayed quiet, his hand straying to her hair which was falling out of the hastily made twist at the back of her head.  Tiny, tight pincurls normally buried beneath the weight of her hair lay exposed against the back of her neck.  His attention was drawn to the delicate auburn curls that wrapped around his fingers.  Kid moved behind her, stretching to reach the hairbrush lying on the bedside table.  Settling himself behind her on the bed, he gently removed the pins holding her hair so that it fell down her back.

"What're you doin'?" Louise asked a puzzled smile on her face as she half turned to see him.

"Hold still," Kid commanded gently.  He slowly ran the brush through her dark hair.  "Let me know if it pulls too hard."

They didn't speak as Kid brushed her hair, the slow rhythmic stroke of the brush through her hair, followed by his fingers beginning to relax her.  Lou concentrated on the brush's rhythm, her eyes closed as she blocked out all thoughts of the day's happenings.  He was so gentle, the strokes so light she could barely feel them sometimes.

It felt so good to be doing something so intimate and domestic with her, Kid thought.  It felt right and natural just like he'd always thought it would be, him brushing her hair in bed, their son sleeping soundly at the foot of the bed.  For the first time that day he let himself think about what might have happened had Laura been of other persuasions.  He easily could have lost both Lexi and Lou if Laura had been inclined to a more vicious action that day.  Images of Maria's body in the Wilson's kitchen emerged into his mind's eye and he shuddered slightly at the thought of the violence the woman he'd once thought he loved was capable of.  It was hard to believe he'd been willing to forget his dreams of Lou and actually marry Laura.  He couldn't imagine sharing something like this with her -- didn't want to either.

The brush slowed and then paused as Kid stared at Lou's profile from behind.  "Marry me, Lou," he blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Lou asked, turning around startled.  Had she heard what she thought she heard?  She couldn't be sure because she hadn't been concentrating on anything other than the rhythm of the hairbrush.  Kid himself looked startled and Louise told herself she'd just been dreaming.  There was no way he'd said what she thought.

He hadn't planned on saying anything, especially after the conversation they'd had when they first got back together.  He did want to do all those things, court her like he'd said, but then this afternoon had scared the hell out of him.  Kid knew what he wanted -- it was the same thing he'd always wanted ever since the first day he'd known Lou was a girl.  All he needed was a promise.  He'd wait forever for her if he could just have her promise to be his.  Oh, God, he thought as her wide eyes turned to face him.  Had he scared her again?  But there was no going back now.

"Marry me, Lou," he said again, his voice stronger.  "Please."

Lou's mouth worked soundlessly as she struggled to comprehend what he'd just said.  Her hands shook nervously.  "I...I....  Did you just ask me to m-marry you?" she asked timorously.

Damn, he had scared her.  "Yes," Kid replied, his jaw tightening as his whole body prepared for her refusal.  However, he wasn't going to let go this time without a fight.  He wasn't going to just let her walk away because that's what she wanted.  "Lou I love you, I have since that day I found you after that gang shot you.  I lost you and I didn't know how to go on.  Now I've got you back and I don't know how to go on without knowing you'll be a permanent part of my life -- you and Lexi both.  I don't care how long I've gotta wait for you to be ready.  I'll wait forever, just...all I'm askin' for is a promise."

He'd said it all in a huge rush as if the words burned his mouth in their effort to get out.  Lou'd watched his blue eyes pleading with her sincerely as he put his heart on the line once again for her.  "I'll wait forever," he'd said.  The words she'd longed to hear from him had been almost two years in coming.  She closed her eyes savoring the moment, repeating the words over and over in her mind.

Kid felt his heart still as one lone tear cascaded silver and crystalline down her cheek.  She wiped the tear away with a shaking hand and Kid closed his own eyes, looking away from her as if if he couldn't see her say the words it meant they really wouldn't happen, she really wouldn't be turning him down again.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes opening to gaze lovingly at him.

Kid opened one eye at a time incredulously, unable to believe his own ears.  "Huh?  I coulda sworn I just heard you say...." he trailed off uncertainly.

Lou threw herself at him, joyously kissing anywhere on his face and neck she could reach as he fell backwards onto the bed. They were both panting when she pulled back.  "Yes," she said again.

His eyes grew wide in shock a silly smile emerging slowly.  "Yes?  You said yes?"

"Yes," Lou replied firmly, kissing him again.  This time he kissed her back just as excitedly until they both began to laugh and had to break away again.  Lou lay her head against his chest comfortably, his arms holding her still on top of him.  Her fingers lovingly traced his jaw following a path down his neck and over his shoulders.  She traced patterns over the warm skin of his shoulder and chest a permanent smile on her face.  "God, I can't believe you asked me to marry you again," Lou said finally in awe after several minutes had passed.

"I can't believe you said yes," he joked, his voice a low rumble through his chest.

Lou closed her eyes.  Anxiety filled her as she remembered one of the feverish dreams she'd had while ill after being shot --Laura's hatefilled words, her hand holding a knife to Kid's throat, the flash of red as the knife moved across....  In a startled movement, Lou pushed to her elbows to stare down at Kid worriedly.  "Kid?"

His eyes flashed open and he stiffened when he saw the anxiety in her brown gaze.  "What?  What is it, sweetheart?" he asked quickly.

"Be careful tomorrow, please.  Laura Wilson's dangerous and sick, Kid.  She could do anything when cornered," she said worriedly, her eyes intense.  "Lexi and me, we need you.  Don't let us lose you now that we can finally be a family."

Kid's hand combed through the heavy auburn tresses that fell over Lou's shoulder, a gentle smile on his face.  "You're not gonna lose me, Lou, I swear to you.  Why would I take any chances when I've got you to come home to," he assured her.

Satisfied with his answer, Lou sank back down in the bed and cuddled close.  The whole day had worn her nerves thin and exhausted her between the joy of new life and the despair of possibly losing her son, between the promise of love and marriage and the fear and hatred inspired by a madwoman.  Her eyelids suddenly felt so heavy, Kid's warmth lending her a sense of security she hadn't felt in a long while.  She dimly heard him mumble his love for her and sleepily nuzzled his chest with her lips.  Lou fell asleep with Kid's heartbeat in her ear, his breath stirring her hair, and his arms wrapped tight around her.  In short, she was in heaven.