DIFFERENT WORLDS

C.C.

~CHAPTER 13~

Louise was truly surprised at her feelings. She had always been so frightened by intimacy, she never really understood the whole thing. No one, not her mother or anyone had ever explained the nature of things to her, and the thought of all of it only served to scare her. But since earlier today, since she had become aware of Kid’s feelings, and allowed her feelings to show she realized that she wasn’t afraid any longer. Of course she was apprehensive, but she was more anxious. She didn’t really know what to expect, but she knew that what she felt during their kiss was such a wonderful feeling; she knew she didn’t know the first thing about pleasing a man, but it was her heart’s desire to be everything she needed to be for him. He had become her world, her reason for existing and even though she wasn’t exactly sure how to physically prove it, she would do what she needed to show him, allow him to show her.

Kid for his part had kept his passion in check. He had longed for her for as long as he could remember, since she stepped off the stagecoach really, but he reasoned with himself. You can wait one more day Kid, not that every ounce of him wasn’t screaming for her, everything that he was wanted her. Sure he’d had a few experiences in his life, but he’d never been so completely consumed by a women before. The thought of her offering herself to him made him involuntarily shudder. He just couldn’t imagine, she was the most beautiful and awesome women he’d ever encountered.

Suddenly he was hit with the realization that he didn’t deserve her, she was out of his class. Wasn’t he just an orphan of dirt farmers from Virginia. He didn’t have anything to offer a women of her stature. He hadn’t really considered his inferiority until now. What the hell am I thinking.... I can never be the man she deserves.

Kid turned Katy back to town, he had to see her. He would tell her that he’d changed his mind. She must not be thinking straight, he’d help her, whatever way he could, but she deserved so much more that he could ever give her.

He left Katy at the end of the street and cautiously approached the hotel. Not seeing any signs of Stephen or his parents he wondered how he’d find out which room she was in. Should he ask the clerk? That surely wouldn’t be smart. Then he had an idea, he found a small piece of paper in the lobby and folded it to make it look like a note. He walked to the desk clerk and said someone had asked him to be sure that Miss McCloud received the note. He watched closely as the clerk slid it in the slot, noticing the room number.

As the clerk’s attention returned to his reading, Kid quietly headed toward Louise’s room. Noticing the hall was empty, he prayed it would stay that way. He softly knocked.

“Oh Stephen, please go to bed” she answered the knock quickly. “You know I am not going to let you in” she was exasperated.

“It’s not Stephen Lou” he whispered.

“Kid?” she questioned and immediately opened the door, not noticing that she was in her night dress. “What’s the matter?” she asked concernedly.

He immediately noticed her nightgown and blushed “Oh I’m sorry” indicating her attire.

“Oh” realizing what he was blushing for “let me get my robe” she quickly wrapped it tightly around her and looked at him. “Kid what are you doing here?” Afraid of what could have happened to cause him to come to her room and risk Stephen seeing him.

He realized that he hadn’t exactly figured out what to say to her - he just knew he had to tell her. “Lou” he started and turned his back to her, preferring not to look at her, knowing he would be able to think more clearly, however she followed him and he could sense her closeness.

“Lou, I was thinking.... maybe..well... ya know I’ll help you anyway I can.....but maybe gettin’ married ain’t the right thing to do” he fumbled miserably with his excuse.

“I don’t understand” she spoke in a hushed tone.

He turned back to her, gazing at her beauty. “Louise, I can never offer you all that you deserve... you...” he shook his head slightly “you deserve so much more than I’d ever be able to give.”

He was not talking about material things, she knew that he was questioning his worthiness. And that initially angered her, but she quickly softened when she saw the hurt in his eyes. She took both of his hands into her smaller ones.

Kid looked at his large calloused hands compared to her delicate, well-manicured ones and was convinced that he was doing the right thing. She deserved someone much more refined than he would or could ever be.

She forced him to look at her and squeezed his hands affectionately. “Kid, you can give me something no one has ever given me” she smiled at him. “And what you have to offer is the one thing I’ve always dreamt about, never really believing I’d ever find it.”

He looked puzzled, he knew he had nothing to offer her, hell he didn’t even know if he’d still have a job if they did get married.

She giggled at his puzzlement and walked him over to the settee and they sat down, she did not let go of his hands and her eyes continued to bore into his soul.

“Kid what you offer me is your love” she watched him closely “you love me for who I really am, no one, not my mother or father, not the Richardson’s and certainly not Stephen.... no one, Kid, no one has ever loved me for me. I can be exactly what I want to be when I’m with you and I don’t worry that I’m making a fool of myself or that my actions or the way I dress is a bad reflection on you. You” she sighed “make me feel completely comfortable. And comfortable is not something I’ve ever felt.”

He tried to protest but she held up her hand to stop him and continued “I realize that you and I don’t know everything about each other, but we’ve spent enough time together for you to know that none of those things I’ve grown up around are important to me. Coming out here didn’t really change me, deep down I’ve always felt this way, it’s just that I’ve learned how to truly be me, but Kid” her eyes pleading with him to believe what she said “I can’t be me without you. You are part of who I am.” She cupped his face in her hands as she finished her heart-felt speech. She silently prayed that what she had said would convince him that she wanted to marry him because she loved him, it didn’t have anything to do with the money.

Kid was speechless, listening and watching her he realized she was being honest with herself and with him, he also realized that he couldn’t live his life without her, he had been a fool.

“I’m sorry” he began “your ....” he was interrupted by a knock at the door. They looked at each other in shock.

“Louise, darling, open the door” his words slurring slightly. She could tell he’d been drinking, he was more insistent about coming to her room when he’d been drinking. She placed her finger to her lips to indicate to Kid to be quiet, she’d get rid of him.

Kid wondered to himself if Stephen often came to her room at night. However, he quickly reproached himself, it didn’t really matter, he was not a virgin, why should he expect that she was.

“Stephen, please go away” she pleaded. “I’m already in bed, I was just about asleep” she lied.

“Come on Louise, I’ll miss you, you’ll be gone for days” he whined. She made a face and Kid grinned and stifled a laugh.

“Stephen, how many times do we have to go through this?” becoming irritated she spoke sternly to him. “You know I will not let you in, now we’ll be married on Saturday, you’ll share my bed then and not before!” She was mad and Stephen could tell his pleas would again end in his frustration.

“Fine” he huffed and she heard him as he stomped off.

She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps to return to Kid.

Kid was relieved when he realized that Stephen and Lou had not been together. He wouldn’t have held it against her, but he was glad that she hadn’t been with him.

She laughed as she sat back down next to Kid and laughed. “Now Kid, if you still don’t believe that I love you, that should prove it!”

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Well, he’s knocked on my door every night since we’ve been here, and I’ve never once opened it for him and you” she teased “one knock from you and I let you right in, me in my nightgown even!” she giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “Now you go on and get out of here before I do something I swore to myself I wouldn’t.”

Kid understood that she was intent on saving herself for marriage, and that pleased him, he’d not argue with her.

“Tomorrow then” and he smiled.

“That smile of your is enough to make me change my mind, get out of here...now” she teased playfully.

He cracked the door and saw the empty hall, he left feeling like he was walking on air, all of his fears regarding his unworthiness quieted, she loved him and that was all that mattered.