CHOICESCHOICES
"Lou you can be as angry at Jimmy and me as you want to, but don’t take it out on Buck or Ike! They don’t deserve it!” Kid exclaimed angrily.
“If they didn’t want me yelling at them then they should have stayed in Rock Creek and out of my business!” Lou spat. “The same goes for you and Jimmy too! The sooner you get it through that thick skull of yours, that I don’t have to explain anything to you Kid, the better off we’re all going to be!”
“I’m thick headed? You’re the one who’s too mule stubborn to accept help when it’s being offered!” Kid said incredulously.
“If I was in need of someone’s help, I would have asked for it! But I don’t need anybody’s help and if I did, I sure and the hell wouldn’t ask you!” Lou said through gritted teeth. “I don’t need or want anything from you Kid! Not now, not ever! I’d rather die first than to ever be beholden to you for anything again!”
Kid was both stunned and hurt by Lou’s hatefully spoken words. He knew things were bad between him and Lou…and most of it was his fault…but he hadn’t thought they were so bad as they couldn’t work them out…that their love for each other would help them ease the pain of their separation and angry words had caused and heal their hearts enough to bring them back together again. Now for the first time he was realizing that things might never be right between them again.
“You don’t mean that Lou. You’re just saying it to pay me back for all the hurtful things I’ve done to you over the past couple of months. I admit that I’ve been a jerk. That you have every right to be this angry at me…but nothing you say is going to change the fact that I do care about you, that I still love you whether you believe it or not.” He told her.
“You’re right Kid, I don’t believe it! I’d be a fool to believe anything you ever say again! We’re through! I don’t want to have anything to do with you! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got things to do and someplace better to be than staying here all night arguing with you!” Lou said, brushing Kid aside and walking over to Lightning who stood a few feet away.
Jimmy moved to block her path. “Running away isn’t going to solve anything Lou. You taught me that. You said that as long as a man or a woman has friends’…family, then they don’t ever have to do be alone again. That together they could solve any problems, mend wounded feelings and broken hearts and strengthen bonds. Do you really believe that or was it just something to say?”
New tears sprang into Lou’s eyes at Jimmy’s words. She hadn’t thought her dry and aching eyes had enough moisture left to summon of any more tears, but apparently she was wrong. They blurred her vision so that where once she was only seeing one Jimmy, she was seeing two now. Sobs of frustration and anger and hurt and pain rose up inside of her and spilled out of her mouth as she stared at the two Jimmy’s. “I once believed in them Jimmy, but I don’t anymore! I thought that once I found all of you, that I would never have to worry again about anyone hurting me! Boy was I wrong! Sometimes it’s your family members that hurt you more than anyone else could! I should have remembered that from what my pa did to me, and my ma, Jeremiah and Theresa, but I didn’t!”
Jimmy and Kid exchanged worried looks. Never had they seen Lou so upset before. They were both trying to think up something to say to her that was comforting, yet not threatening. Clearly there was something more going on with Lou than what she was letting on and if they were careful, they might be able to get her to reveal whatever it was.
“We are your family Lou. I, Jimmy and I would do anything for you. You got to know that? Tell us what’s wrong?” Kid pleaded, his tone gentle.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Lou’s voice was strained to the point of being hysterical as she replied. “What’s wrong? You have the bloody nerve to stand there and ask me what’s wrong after what you’ve done? What you’ve both done? It would take me from now to next year to list everything you’ve done and I don’t have that much time to waste! So I’ll tell you the first one that comes to mind! How about making a bet for my affections in the barn, as if I was nothing but some whore you both wanted to bed! Does that ring a bell at all?”
The color faded from both the men’s faces at Lou’s words. Neither of them had even stopped to consider the thought that Lou might have found out about the stupid bet they had made in the barn the other day. The only other person who had been in the barn that they knew of was Rachel, but something told them that Rachel wouldn’t have said anything to Lou. She hadn’t wanted Lou to be hurt anymore than what she already was.
Without another word, Lou pushed Jimmy out of the way and went over to Lightning. She placed her boot into the stirrup and prepared to swing herself up into the saddle, but a sharp pain swept through her stomach, making her draw her breath in sharply and lean against Lightning’s side.
“Lou, don’t go like this-” Kid started.
While Jimmy began, “Lou I’m so-”
“Save it! I don’t want to hear any lame apologies from either of you! Just leave me alone!” Lou shouted against Lightning’s side. She moved as if to mount Lightning, but before she could she felt a hand upon her shoulder drawing her away from the stirrups and against a warm chest.
“Lou, you can’t go like this! You have to give me a chance to apologize, to tell you how wrong I was to treat you so poorly!” Kid told her pleadingly.
Lou felt her heart constrict at being caught up and held in Kid’s strong arms. How her body had ached at night to feel his arms around her, to feel his light caresses and feel his body against hers. How she had longed to breathe in that manly scent that was all Kid and know that she was safe and loved. With more resolve than she thought possible, Lou resisted the urge to melt against Kid and forgive him everything he done wrong, instead pushing herself roughly out of his arms and turning to face away from him. Her mind swam from her violent movement and she felt herself stumble slightly before she steadied herself. Desperation filled her as she realized that they were never going to let her leave alone unless she forced them to do so. Her hand was on her gun before she had time to think about what she was doing. She spun around to face Kid and Jimmy, aiming her gun at Kid’s chest as she did.
“I’m done talking boys! I am leaving here, even if I have to shoot you to do it!”
Kid froze in shock as he stared down the barrel of Lou’s Colt leveled at his chest. He felt his breath leave him in a rush as his heart began to pound wildly in his chest. Everything took on a surreal quality to it as he lifted his eyes ever so slowly from the end of the barrel to look into Lou’s. There was coldness, tinged with desperation that he had never seen before in her eyes, and never in his wildest imaginings to would have seen directed at him. Even though the look told him Lou meant business, Kid somehow didn’t believe that Lou would shoot him no matter how mad she was at him.
Jimmy, on the other hand, didn’t have any doubts that Lou would carry through with her threats of shooting Kid and him if they didn’t do as she said. In her right mind, he knew, Lou would never have drawn a gun on Kid, no matter how angry she was at him. She knew only too well the consequences of drawing a gun on a person you never intended to shoot in the first place. It left yourself open for a lot of hurt for all concerned, if you managed to not get shot in the process. But in her right mind was the key phrase here. Lou had been acting mighty peculiar, and looked even worse, ever since he had first found her outside of the stables. It clenched his idea that Lou was hiding something else from them…and he feared that he knew what the answer was. Lou was seriously ill, maybe even dying, and running away from Rock Creek was her idea of protecting them all from her imminent death.
Kid cleared his throat and said, “Put down the gun Lou. If you really want to leave that badly, Jimmy and I won’t try to stop you.”
“You really don’t think I’m going to believe that, do you Kid? Back up and give me some room to move.” Lou ordered.
“Okay.” Kid said and backed up a couple of feet.
Jimmy took the opportunity to move closer to Lou, but stopped abruptly as Lou turned at an angle so as to train the gun on both him and Kid at the same time. “Don’t try anything stupid Jimmy. Don’t make me shoot you.”
“No one’s going to make you shoot anyone Lou. You’re going to do that all on your own as long as you keep that gun out. Why don’t you put it away?” Jimmy said.
It was at that exact moment, that Buck and Ike reappeared from the shadows of the nearby buildings. Lou hastily moved to cover them as well as they came to a stop next to Kid, their eyes widening as they took in the gun in Lou’s hand. It was just the opening that Jimmy needed to move in and rush Lou from the side. One arm wrapped around her waist, while the other one reached for the gun that she held in her hand. Lou fought to free herself from Jimmy’s gripped and keep a hold on her gun. The gun went off in the midst of their wrestling with it, forcing Kid, Buck and Ike to hit the ground to prevent from being hit by stray bullets. In the end, Jimmy’s strength won out over Lou’s desperation and he was able to pry the gun from her fingertips. He shoved the gun into his belt and keeping a firm grip of the still struggling Lou, he pulled out his bandanna and quickly tied her hands together.
“You lowdown, no good varmint! You two-bit gunfighter! If this is the way you treat women, no wonder none of them stay around!” Lou spat fierily, drawing back a leg and kicking Jimmy in the shin.
“Ow! Dang it Lou, cut that out!” Jimmy exclaimed, reaching down to rub a hand over the tender area.
“Aw, does him have a boo-boo?” Lou said tauntingly. “Good! You can expect to get more bruises than that, if you don’t untie me right now Hickok!”
“Jimmy what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Kid exclaimed angrily. “You can’t just truss her up like a turkey, no matter how mad she makes you!”
“Who says I can’t? Would you like me to untie her and give her back her gun so she can shoot us all with it?” Jimmy asked.
Kid stopped to think about what Jimmy had said. There was no way he wanted Lou to have her gun back again. At least, not until after she had settled down some and could think straight again. Still it didn’t set right with him to keep Lou tied up. They had come after her to help her, not hurt her anymore than she was already hurting.
“Jimmy will let you go Lou, if you promise to not try another stunt like you just did.” Kid told Lou.
“The hell I will!” Jimmy exclaimed. “ I say we keep her like this and hightail it back to Rock Creek! Let Teaspoon and Rachel try and talk some sense into her.”
“Why don’t we tie you up and see how you like it?” Buck declared. “Lou’s not some outlaw you’re taking in for the bounty money, Jimmy. She’s our friend, part of our family!”
“I don’t hear you making any better suggestions Buck! If I untie her, she’s just going to pull some crazy stunt again to get away and hurt either herself or one of us! She’s sick and we owe it to her to help her get better, whether she likes it or not! Even if it means forcefully taking her back to Rock Creek!” Jimmy shouted.
“Well, I’m not going to have any part of forcing her to go anywhere!” Buck said, starting toward the stables to saddle his horse.
(Neither am I!) Ike signed before turning to follow after Buck.
Kid stared at Lou for several minutes. Though she still struggled against Jimmy’s hold on her, she hadn’t said anything for several minutes. It was almost as if the fight had gone out of her, but if there was one thing he knew about Lou, she was probably cooking up some way to free herself later on. They would have to keep a close watch on her on the way back to Rock Creek. For now, he would leave the guarding of her up to Jimmy.
“I’ll go get the horses.” He said quietly, abruptly turning and strolling toward the stables before Jimmy or Lou could say anything else.
Lou's eyes smoldered with barely controlled anger as they followed Kid's steps
over to Trevayne's livery and watched him disappear inside. She hoped that Kid's
back felt scorched from the heat of her stare, because it would be the least
of the pain she would inflict on him once her hands were free! She still couldn't
believe that he had sides with Jimmy against her! She hadn't thought a day would
come when she wouldn't have his full support backing her…and to think it
had been with Jimmy of all people, burned a steady flame of disbelief, anger
and hurt within her! The two riders had never agreed on anything before, so
why they had to start now was beyond her! Probably just to make her life much
more complicated than it already was!
"Grrrrr!!!! " Lou grit her teeth tightly together to keep from screaming out all her frustration and anger over her current predicament. Why had she thought it was safe enough for her to stop in Ft. Kearney for the night instead of continuing on? She'd known with every fiber of her being that they would come looking for her as soon as they found her note. It was something that she had been secretly hoping and dreading they would do all at the same time…Hoping because it would prove to her that despite everything that had happened between her and Kid that he still loved her…And that the others cared as much about her as she cared about them…And dreading it all the same because even though it mattered to her that they cared, she didn't think that there was anything left for her to say to Kid. Anything left between them and she had wanted to avoid any heated confrontations like she had shared with the boys already. She hadn't wanted to hurt any of them like she was already hurting, and besides, she had already decided not to tell Kid about the baby she carried within her.
"Damn Buck and his Kiowa tracking instincts!" She cursed inwardly. "Why couldn't he have been out on a run or something." She felt a momentarily twinge of guilt over what she had said to him earlier…but it was pushed aside as she continued to fume over her predicament. She tried her best to affix a calm persona under Jimmy's eagle-eyed stare. She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his and Kid's appearance had wreaked havoc with the plans she had made. She had already spouted off too much by revealed to them how much overhearing them make their little bet for her affections had hurt her. She had come too close to blurting out to Kid that she was pregnant! She was so glad that she had managed to catch herself in time…because telling Kid about the baby would have led to even more complications between them…and there were already too many to count as it was. No, her decision to raise their baby by herself was the best for everyone concerned…know matter how difficult it was going to be for her.
Lou couldn't imagine it being much more difficult than helping to raise Jeremiah and Theresa. She had helped her mama give birth to Theresa since they hadn't been able to afford to have a doctor attend her and her pa had been out on one of his binges. Her Mama had been pretty poorly throughout her pregnancy with Theresa…and even though she had regained some of her strength back after she had given birth, she had never truly been restored to the healthy woman that Lou had once remembered…Many of the chores of taking care of her younger siblings and the household had fallen on her young shoulders and she had managed them the best that she could within their dire circumstances. She hadn't ever understood why having a baby could make a woman feel so poorly, but now she supposed she had firsthand knowledge. Her Mama must have been plagued something awful with the dreadful 'morning sickness' that she, herself, was now experiencing.
"Morning sickness, what a laugh!" Lou thought with a grimace. "It should be called 'all day ' sickness!" As if the baby could understand its mama's train of thought, Lou felt her stomach give a wild lurch. Hastily Lou choked back the bile that rose within her throat, couching a little and unconsciously clutching her tied hands against her abdomen in hopes that the simple contact would be soothing enough to calm her restless child.
"Please, little one now's not the time for you to be making your mama any sicker! She's got to keep her wits about her if she's any hope of escaping from your pa and uncles." Lou pleaded anxiously.
During this time, Jimmy's eyes hadn't strayed from Lou's face since she had first turned to watch Kid walk away. He had almost chuckled at the smoldering look that she had leveled on Kid's retreating back, but had refrained. He really didn't want to make Lou even more upset with him than she already was. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Lou didn't look at all well and he wasn't about to make her feel any worse. From his angled position, he could see the perspiration still dotting her forehead…saw the flush of anger on her high cheekbones and then witnessed and odd expression come over her face and saw her tied hands go impulsively to her abdomen.
"Lou, you okay?" he asked her with concern.
Lou turned to stare at him coolly. "Just fine Jimmy. Never better. You needn't concern yourself with asking polite questions about my health when it's obviously you really don't care about how I'm feeling."
Jimmy scowled at her. " Don't tell me how I feel or don't feel Lou."
"Ooh, Look who's getting all defensive now? You don't like it much when someone makes light of your feelings, do you Jimmy? Now you know how I feel." Lou taunted.
"I've never made light of your feelings and you know it!" Jimmy snapped, biting down on his lip to keep from saying anything else. Nothing he said right now was going to do any good. Lou was in too foul of a mood for him or Kid to talk any sense into. He fell silent once again under her steady glare and refused to let her goad him into an argument.
The reappearance of Kid, Buck and Ike leading their horses out of the livery caught Lou's attention behind Jimmy and she fell silent once again. Jimmy's gaze rested on her for a brief moment before turning in time to see Buck and Ike mount their horses, raise their hands in a brief wave and then kicked their horses into motion. Kid came to a standstill before Jimmy and Lou, his eyes darting from the steely gaze that she gave him to meet Jimmy's irritated one. He handed Sundancer's reins to Jimmy, who quickly mounted, then leaned over and drew up Lightning's reins into his gloved hand as well.
Panic seized hold of Lou. They were really going to do this! They were going to take her back to Rock Creek against her will! "You can't do this! You can't make me go with you just because you want to Kid! It's called kidnapping and it's against the law!" Lou screamed, backing away from him and the horses.
"You aren't giving us any other choice Lou! You won't talk to us! You won't willingly let us help you, so we're going to do it forcefully!" Kid exclaimed stepping closer to her, reaching out to grab onto her arm as Lou continued backing up.
"I don't have to talk to you or accept your help if I don't want to Kid! " Lou exclaimed, her voice becoming increasingly louder as she continued backing away from him.
Jimmy nudged Sundancer forward, effectively cutting off Lou's intended flight path. "Don't make this any harder on us or you than it has to be Lou!" he pleaded with her.
"If you think I'm going to just willingly allow you to take me somewhere against my will without putting up some kind of a fight, Jimmy, you don't know me well at all! "Lou spat out as she set herself into a defensive stance and raised her tied hands up in front of her to ward off Kid's attempts to grab her.
A look passed between Kid and Jimmy over Lou's head. With a slight nod, Jimmy slipped off of Sundancer's back and moved around him toward Lou, while Kid continued to advance on her from the front. Sundancer shifted position as his master dismounted and gave Lou the false hope of not being as caged in as she thought she was. Keeping her eyes trained on Kid and her tied hands in repeated motion before her, she began backing up again…right into Jimmy's opened arms. Despite Lou's valiant struggle to free herself from the grasps of the two male riders, she soon found herself astride Lightning's back, holding onto the saddle horn as she, Jimmy and Kid galloped out of Ft. Kearney back towards Rock Creek.
The ride back to Rock Creek was an unpleasant experience for all three riders. From the moment she had realized that Kid and Jimmy were actually serious in kidnapping her from Ft. Kearney and taking her back to Rock Creek against her will, she had begun to alternately scream expletives or veiled threats at them at the top of her lungs. In the brief periods of time that existed in between her shouting bouts, Lou chewed at the knots in the handkerchief that bound her hands together or clutched them tightly to her abdomen to try and soothe the child within as it flounced around and shot terrible pains throughout her torso.
Lou had thought that she had felt ill before, now she felt like death warmed over. Her outsides seemed determined to turn inward and spill her insides outward, child included and it terrified her to death. Although she had never carried a child before, Lou instinctively knew that something was seriously wrong with her..or with the baby itself, yet she refused to give Kid and Jimmy the satisfaction of knowing that something was wrong with her. They would only use it against her..to prove to everyone else that she was as incompetent of caring for herself as they thought she was. So, instead she suffered in silence and in retaliation for the extreme pain that she was in…Lou was determined to put Kid and Jimmy through as much hell as she could in her present circumstances.
Dawn was just beginning to break over the horizon in a myriad of pastels when the trio of riders met up with Buck and Ike at the swimming hole outside of Rock Creek. Neither Buck or Ike looked too pleased to have their fellow riders join up with them, sure that if they all rode into the station yard together that they, too, would get blamed for Kid and Jimmy's hair brained idea. As Kid and Jimmy dismounted and led their horses down to the edge of the water to drink, Ike carried his newly filled canteen over to Lou, still astride Lightning to let her drink. With a grateful smile, Lou lifted the canteen to her chapped lips and drank her fill and then handed the canteen back to Ike.
"If my tormentors don't mind, will you help me down Ike so that I can go relieve myself?" Lou said snidely, loud enough for Jimmy and Kid both to hear her.
Ike nodded automatically and reached up his arms to grasp Lou around the waist to lower her off of the horse, but found another set of hands there before him. The dark look from Jimmy was enough to convince Ike that it wouldn't be a good idea for him to say anything and reluctantly Ike moved away. Lou struggled against the hold Jimmy had on her waist, pushing her clasped hands against his chest with enough force to break his hold on her and she stumbled away from him.
"Are you planning on coming along and watching me or are you going to give me some privacy?" Lou spat furiously in his face.
"You act as if we're getting some pleasure out of doing this Lou, when we aren't! Why can't you just allow us to help you without you raising such a fuss about it? You act as if we are some vile men who are bent on causing you as much harm and pain as we can on you, when all we're trying to do is help you!" Jimmy exclaimed.
"Last I checked people who were interested in helping out their friends, didn't track them down like some outlaw, bound their hands together, and force them to go somewhere they didn't want to go." Lou retorted, before stalking towards a blackberry patch a short distance away.
Once she was behind the relative shelter of the blackberry patch, Lou unsnapped her belt buckle from its clasp and began fumbling with the buttons on her denims. She began fidgeting from one foot to the other as she became more and more aware of just how full her bladder was and was nearly frantic by the time she had succeeded in unbuttoning all of the buttons as she felt a trickle of something wet and thick slide down the inside of her inner thigh and thought for sure she was on the verge of wetting herself thoroughly. Tears sprang into her eyes at the humiliation of going back out to face her fellow riders with wet denims, even as she managed to tug her denims down and relieve her bladder at last. Relief flooded through her that at least one humiliation had been adverted as she finished her business and tugged her denims back into place on her slender hips and began refastening the buttons. It was only as she started to step out from behind the blackberry patch, that Lou happened to look down and see the red stain on the ground. Fear filled her like an iron glove and squeezed the air from her lungs with such intensity that Lou felt faint and the world to spin around her. She fell to all fours on the ground and fought against the dizziness, by lowering her head and closing her eyes. When her world had stopped spinning, Lou slowly rose upright onto her feet as she heard Kid call out to her that it was time to go. Determined not to let on to what had just occurred, Lou set her shoulders and walked back out to join the others and found that Ike and Buck had already ridden off. Reluctantly she allowed Jimmy to help her back into Lightning's saddle and the trio of riders started off at a brisk pace on the last stretch of their long ride.
