CHOICESCHOICES
Lou looked down at Jimmy’s hand on her arm and felt an almost uncontrollable rage bubble up inside of her. How dare Jimmy think he could force her to stay anywhere that she didn’t want to! She was so tired of Jimmy and Kid thinking that they could tell her what to do and how to feel. Her right hand itched to draw her gun and shoot him where he stood for all the misery that he had helped to inflict upon her. She resisted the urge to shoot Jimmy, knowing that Teaspoon and local sheriff wouldn’t approve of her killing Jimmy just because he made her mad. So instead of shooting him like she wanted to, Lou settled on the next best thing. She drew back a clenched fist and punched Jimmy in the jaw.
The blow caught Jimmy by surprise and sent him sprawling backward into Lightning. The startled stallion reared up and away from Jimmy, propelling Hickok onto his backside on the road. A heady rush of satisfaction swept over Lou as she stood over Jimmy, not in the least bit intimidated by the darkening expression on his face.
“What the hell did you do that for?” Jimmy demanded angrily as he climbed to his feet He wiped blood away from the corner of his mouth.
“Because I felt like it and you so deserved it! I don’t know who the hell you think you are Hickok to tell me what to do! You can’t even manage your own life and yet you dare to interfere in mine? What right do you have to tell me what to do or where to go? You’re not my boss, my daddy or my husband! Hell I ain’t so sure my friend!” Lou yelled.
“What are you talking about Lou? Of course I’m your friend! If I wasn’t do you think I’d come looking for you? Or spent all night and all day in a saddle looking for you?” Jimmy told her.
“You didn’t come looking for me because you care about me! You came looking for me because you were afraid that Kid might find me first and convince me to go back to Rock Creek and give our relationship another try. You couldn’t stomach that could you? You couldn’t take the chance on getting one more lick over on Kid by finding me and being the one to convince me to go back! That’s why you really came, isn’t it Jimmy? Isn’t it?” Lou continued.
“So what if it is?” Jimmy said. “ Dan it Lou! I’m not going to apologize for caring enough about you to come looking for you! And I’m not going to apologize to you for defending you to Kid! I wouldn’t hold myself much of a man or a friend to you, if I just stood by and let him hurt you time and again and done nothing about it!”
“if you were really interested in helping me Jimmy, you would have kept your big mouth shut! You would have just listened to me when I was upset and needing to talk and left me to handle things myself! But no, you just had to put your two cents in! You just had to keep needling and berating Kid until you succeeded in driving a bigger wedge between me and him and the two of you as well!”
“I really don’t care what Kid thinks or how mad he is at me! He’s the one who should of left Rock Creek instead of you! You’re the best thing that ever happened to him and he’s a fool for not realizing it! None of those other girls he ran around with can hold a candle to you! Lou you deserve to have a man who’ll treat you like you deserve, a man like-“ Jimmy broke off suddenly as he realized how close he had come to openly expressing his feelings for her. He had already made a fool out of himself by kissing her and he wasn’t about to do it again, less he knew for certain that the outcome would be in his favor.
“Like who Jimmy? Like you? Are you the ‘man’ who’s going to treat me right? That’s a laugh! You can’t even bring yourself to get close to a woman long enough to develop any feelings for her, let alone settle down with one! You hold everyone at arm’s length for fear of anyone finding out that underneath that tough exterior of yours hides a scared little boy! I might have had my heart stomped on a time or two but at least I’m not afraid to love or be loved! Until you can say or do the same Jimmy, don’t you dare stand there and offer me advice!” Lou spat at him.
Jimmy struggled to hold his temper in check at Lou’s personal attack on him, knowing that if he blew up it would further alienate her from him. Lou was the only member of the Pony Express family he trusted his ‘innermost’ feelings with and to stand here and have her belittle them was almost more than he could take! At the same time he longed to say or do something to break through the walls she had built between them. He reached out quickly and tugged her toward him, wrapping her firmly in his arms and pressing his lips against hers.
The kiss took Lou totally by surprise and she found her resolve weakening as she leaned into the kiss. It had been far too long since she had felt a man’s arms around her or had someone’s lips on hers. Lou had barely thought of how nice it was to be so close to Jimmy, when her sense returned and she shoved him angrily away.
“If you think kissing me is all you’ve got to do to get me to go back to Rock Creek with you, you’ve got another thing coming Hickok! It just proves that I was right about your true intentions! You came looking for me because you accepted a challenge from Kid you don’t intend to lose, not because you are really worried about me!” She shouted.
“I kissed you because I wanted to Lou! I have been wanting to kiss you again ever since the other day! You want me to express my feelings then I will! I love you! Have for a long time now, but couldn’t tell you because you were with Kid! “ Jimmy confessed.
“You don’t really expect me to believe that do you? The great Jimmy Hickok professing his love on a whim? What kind of fool do you take me for? You”ll say or do anything just to get me to go back to Rock Creek!” Lou questioned.
Jimmy let out a groan of frustration and ran his hands through his hair. Lou was the most exasperating woman he had ever known. How she could go from relaxing almost completely into his kiss one moment, then push him away in anger the next, confused the hell out of him.
“Believe whatever you want Lou. It’s not going to change my feelings for you or the fact that you still owe me an explanation. If you want to argue this out all night we’ll do it, because I’m not leaving here until you tell me why you left Rock Creek!” he stated finally.
“Neither are we.” A familiar voice called out from behind them.
Jimmy and Lou turned around in surprise to see Kid rapidly approaching them with buck and Ike on his heels. Jimmy felt relief tinged with nager flood through him at the appearance of his fellow riders. Kid was much better at reasoning with people than he was and if anyone needed reasoning with it was Lou. At this point it didn’t matter to him who it was that broke through the angry wall Lou had placed around her heart, just as long it was done. He was willing to put his own feelings for Lou aside for now, if it would mean that Lou would return to Rock Creek with them.
It had taken Ike a little longer to reach the hotel by foot, than it would have by horse. Although he was just as concerned about Lou as the others, Ike couldn’t help enjoying his walk through the mostly deserted streets. He entered the simply decorated lobby of the hotel and let his nose direct him toward the dining room. Once there he quickly scanned the faces of the patrons at the tables until he spotted Buck and Kid seated at a table in the corner. No sooner had he crossed the room and taken a seat beside Buck, than a waitress appeared with a plate heaped with food. Without a word to him she set the plate and a glass of frothy milk down on the table in front of him and then disappeared.
Catching sight of the puzzled expression on Ike’s face, Buck explained. “Kitchen’s going to be closing soon so we asked them to keep two plates of food warm for you and Jimmy.”
Ike nodded in understanding and dug into the plate of meatloaf, corn on the cob, turnip greens and buttermilk biscuits. The threesome ate in silence for a few moments before Kid took notice that Jimmy hadn’t joined them as well. He swallowed down the last of his milk and wiped his mouth with the corner of his napkin.
“Where’s Jimmy?” He asked
“Had a hunch he wanted to check out.” Ike signed.
“A hunch about what?” Kid asked suspiciously.
“That Lou was going to try and leave town tonight.” Ike answered.
“Why’d he think that? You guys see Lou somewhere?” Kid quizzed.
“No!” Ike signed quickly. “ I don’t know why he thinks that! Told me to come looking for him in thirty minutes if he didn’t show up.”
“Well I’m not waiting that long to find out.” Kid exclaimed.
He stood quickly, withdrew a few coins from his pocket and tossed them onto the table before stalking away. Buck and Ike exchanged quick glances before Buck rose and followed after Kid. Ike reluctantly stood as well, downed the last of his milk, grab his last biscuit and left the dining room as well.
As Kid neared where Lou and Jimmy stood outside what he assumed was the livery, he fought to keep control of his temper. The last thing he wanted to do was alienate Lou any further than she already was. By the angry, defiant glare Lou shot his way and the agitated one Jimmy gave him, it didn’t look like things were going as well as Jimmy might have liked. He couldn’t help gloating a little that Jimmy hadn’t been able to get through to Lou. It meant that he had a good chance of convincing Lou to go back to Rock Creek, though he knew it wasn’t foolish enough to think it was going to be easy. Lou was way too stubborn and set in her ways to make things easy on any of them.
He ignored Lou’s glare as he stepped closer to her and gave her petite frame a quick perusal. Though dusty, her clothes showed no signs of any tears or holes that would indicate an unnoticeable injury. Her face, though partially shrouded in shadows, revealed more to him than her clothing had. Dark rings underlined her eyes rims, an unhealthy pallor to her skin and perspiration dotted her forehead.
Kid fought to keep his alarm from showing on his face or in his voice as he said, “ Hello Lou.”
“Kid.” Lou’s voice was flat, cold.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Like you care.” Lou answered.
“I know I haven’t shown it much lately Lou, but I do care. We all do.” Kid told her.
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine to me Lou. Fact is you look like you ate something that didn’t agree with your stomach and it’s trying to crawl it’s way back up.” Kid exclaimed.
Kid heard a groan beside him and turned to see both Buck and Ike shaking their heads sorrowfully at him. Jimmy was looking at him with a ‘great going’ expression on his face. Kid turned back to Lou and saw that there was a darkening expression on her face and a dangerous glint in her eyes. Kid steeled himself for the explosion he saw brewing there, but none came. Instead Lou let out a wry laugh. Kid exchanged puzzled glances with the other boys.
“Gee Kid, you sure know how to sweet talk a gal. Been practicing much?” Lou said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Anger flooded through Kid at Lou’s words. He fought back the retort that leaped onto his tongue, knowing that Lou was purposely baiting him. He could take anything as long as meant Lou going back to Rock Creek with them. “ Look Lou I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I just meant that you don’t look so good. Are you sick? Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“Why should I tell you anything? What business is it of yours why I left? These past couple of months you’ve acted as if you didn’t want nothing to do with me, so what’s changed? Huh? Huh?” Lou exclaimed quickly closing the short distance between them. She emphasized her last two questions by jabbing her index finger hard, twice, into Kid’s chest.
“Because I’m worried about you. I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Kid said.
“Well you needn’t have bothered! I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself despite what you might think! I was doing it along before I met you all and I can do it now! So all of you can just go back and report to Teaspoon and leave me the hell alone!” Lou told him angrily.
Kid opened his mouth to respond, but Buck beat him to it. “Teaspoon didn’t send us looking for you Lou, we volunteered. Did you really think that we would just accept that you had left and forget all about you? Lou you should know better than that! We’re family and families look out for one another.”
“Well I don’t need no looking after Buck! In fact I don’t need you, period! I don’t need any of you! All any of you have done since I’ve known you is cause me a lot of heartache and nothing else!” Lou shouted.
“That’s a load of bull and you know it Lou! You might want to believe that you don’t need us, but it’s not the truth! You’re a part of us and we’re a part of you and nothing is going to change that! Especially not sneaking out of Rock Creek and running away like a coward! I thought you had more guts than to let either Kid or Jimmy chase you away!” Buck shouted back at her.
Angry tears sprang into Lou’s eyes art Buck’s calling her a coward. She had expected to get involved in heated arguments with both Kid and Jimmy if they caught up to her, but not with Buck Out of all of the boys it seemed that Buck understood how difficult her life was. How difficult it was to pretend to be one person because that was what people expected, instead of the person she really was. Buck faced a similar situation except in his case people expected him to act white and ignore his Kiowa heritage.
“Well I’d much rather be a coward Buck than a smelly Indian.” Lou spat out.
Surprise and hurt flooded Buck’s handsome features for a brief moment before they faded away. Lou bit down hard on her lip to keep from apologizing to him for what she had said. Maybe if she made them angry enough they would give up and leave sooner. It didn’t matter much to her either way just as long as they left her alone. Buck turned and stalked away from the group, Ike following close behind him after shooting a dirty look at Lou.
“What the hell’s gotten into you Lou? How could you say something like that to him?” Jimmy demanded.
“What’s this? Jimmy Hickok sticking up for someone else? Concerned about someone else’s feelings? What’s wrong with you Hickok? Did you fall off your horse on the ride to Ft. Kearney and bump your head?”
Jimmy’s face flushed with anger as he stepped toward Lou. Lou stood her ground knowing that even in his anger that Jimmy wouldn’t physically hurt her. Kid must have thought otherwise cause he deftly stepped in front of her bringing him nearly chin to chin with Jimmy. The two riders eyed each other warily for several seconds before Jimmy backed off. He told himself he wasn’t backing down, but letting Kid take a turn at trying to knock some sense into Lou.
