CHOICESCHOICES
Lou slammed the bunkhouse door behind her, sagging briefly against it in an effort to calm her tumultuous emotions. Anger, hurt and confusion swam through her head, making it ache from the intensity of her thoughts. Abruptly she pulled away from the door as Rachel’s angry voice reached her ears from within the bunkhouse. She had no desire to hear Rachel berate Kid and Jimmy for their treatment towards her and each other. Worst of all, she hated the fact that the situation between herself, Kid and Jimmy was affecting everyone at the waystation. It wasn’t fair to the others that she, Kid and Jimmy couldn’t get along with one another. She stalked off the porch and headed towards the barn a short distance away. She walked with her head down, not caring to see or talk to anyone who might be in town, despite the earliness of the hour.
(Why can’t Kid get it through his thick head that I can take care of myself? Why does he continue to treat me like some, some, helpless female he feels needs looking after!) She raged as she walked. The scene in the bunkhouse repeatedly played itself in her head. Each time, making her grow even more angrier at her fellow riders.
(Why couldn’t he simply except my explanation for why I looked sick and leave well enough alone! I’m so tired of having to defend myself to him. Why can’t he accept me for the way I am, not the woman he wants me to be. Jimmy’s just as bad though. He treats me like I’m an equal most of the time, except when it comes to Kid. Then he goes and acts like a lovesick fool, defending me against Kid. I wish they would both just leave me alone. Who needs them anyway!)
You do. A little voice inside her head whispered. Face it, Lou. You need Kid and Jimmy. Whether you like it or not, those boys are under your skin and you’ll never get rid of either of them.
(Ah, shut up) Angrily she brushed the thought away, not willing to admit to herself that the voice was right. It was so much easier to stay mad and not let the hurt and confused feelings set in. Moisture filled her eyes as she approached the barn, threatening to let loose a torrent of scalding hot tears onto her cheeks. Hastily she wiped the moisture away from her eyes with the backs of her hands, determined not to give in to the wave of self-pity surging up inside her. She wouldn’t give Kid the satisfaction of knowing he had hurt her once again. She could really care less what Jimmy thought of her at this point. He’d been there for her when she needed someone to talk to and she appreciated it, but she no longer felt comfortable sharing her feelings with him. Not even if he did make a fool of himself defending her.
When she reached the large wooden structure that housed the Pony Express horses, Lou tugged open one of the heavy doors and secured it in place against the wall to allow some light into the barn so she could see. She hated to light a lantern for fear of a starting a fire. She entered the barn, pausing briefly inside to allow her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit interior. Soon she was able to make out the bins and shelves that lined both sides of the entrance. The shelves held salves, curry combs, and other items necessary for seeing to the needs of the horses. Bins on the ground held shovels, picks, axes, nails, screws and other implements necessary for keeping up the maintenance of the waystation buildings. Sacks of flour, salt and wheat were lined up near the entrance to make it easier for Rachel to get to. Onions, carrots and herbs hung from the rafters of the barn, alongside coiled lengths of rope, mended tack and a bunch of dried sage Teaspoon kept on hand for use in the sweatlodge he had built outside of town.
She wondered briefly if Teaspoon would order Kid and Jimmy into the sweatlodge to work out their problems with each other. Teaspoon had been known from time to time to force two of the riders into the sweatlodge to stay until they had worked out their problems, by themselves or with whomever they were fighting with. The thought of Kid and Jimmy sitting in the sweatlodge in their underwear, brought a brief smile to her face. Not the picture of Kid and Jimmy in their underwear exactly, but the fact that they would be stuck with each other inside the sweatlodge until one of them gave in. Knowing how stubborn they both were, it was likely that they would be in there for hours. She just hoped that Teaspoon didn’t get the idea to put her in the sweatlodge with them. There was nothing she would despise more right now than being cooped up anywhere with Kid and Jimmy, although seeing Kid and Jimmy in their underwear, would be kind of nice.
Definitely in a better mood than when she had stepped into the barn, Lou shook of the last of her anger and started down the aisle between the stalls. Even though her problems with Kid and Jimmy weren’t solved, there was no sense in her dredging on them the entire day. She and Lightning would be off on their run soon and she had other things to worry about. One was trying to figure out how to go about seeing the doctor in Seneca. She knew she would have to be careful. She couldn’t take the chance that anyone in Seneca might discover that she was a rider for the express. If they did, it could leak back to Teaspoon and the others, or worse to her employers, Russell, Majors and Waddell.
She paused occasionally as she walked down the aisle, stopping at the stalls that housed the rider’s favorite mounts. Fourteen horses were stabled in the barn at any given time, but only seven of the horses called the barn their permanent home. She patted each of the riders’ horses on their muzzles, marveling at the differences in each of them. Each horse was as unique in color and temperment as each of the riders’ themselves. There was gentle Katie, Kid’s horse; preening Sundancer, Jimmy’s prized palomino; high-spirited Lightning, her black stallion; loyal Blaze, Noah’s dun colored mare; loving Racing Moon, Buck’s chestnut mare; silent Thunder, Ike’s chestnut stallion, brother to Buck’s horse, and friendly Flash, Cody’s chocolate colored stallion.
As she neared the end of the aisle and was approaching the room at the back of the barn where all the tack and feed was kept, the sickly sweet aroma of hay, manure and molasses assaulted her senses. Perspiration broke out on her face as Lou fought the urge to vomit. Her stomach lurched violently, a burning sensation swept upward from her stomach, and Lou looked around frantically for a place to get sick. She knew that this time, dashing to the outhouse was out of the question. She didn’t have enough time. Finally settling on a corner of the barn, Lou half-walked, half-ran to the area. She fell to her knees in the corner just in time. Vomit raced up her throat and out of her mouth and onto the hay strewn corner. When she was finished getting sick, she wiped at her mouth with the end of her shirt and sank back onto floor in a sitting position.
Tears filled her eyes again from the intensity of her retching, this time aided by the overwhelming fear that swept through her. Even though she had been getting sick every morning for the past week, never had it occurred more than once a day. She tried to remember if she had ate anything that might have upset her already queasy stomach, but knew that she hadn’t. She had eaten only the two biscuits and a small helping of fried potatoes before Rachel had inquired about her health. When she felt that she could move, Lou stood slowly up and went in search of a pitchfork. She found one in another corner of the barn and moving slowly, she covered up her mess with fresh hay. If she had the chance to later on, she would come back and shovel the offensive mess into a bucket and take it out behind the barn and dump it. Right now, all she wanted to do was lie down on a pile of hay and rest.
Seeing a comfortable spot in the clean pile of hay, Lou lay down in it and closed her eyes. She would only rest for a minute or two before she finished getting Lightning ready for their ride later. Within a few minutes she was fast asleep, exhausted from her problems with Kid and the unknown illness that plagued her body.
“Do you think we should wake her?” Buck whispered as he, Ike, Noah, Cody and Jesse gazed down at Lou’s sleeping form.
The five of them had entered the barn a short time earlier, laughing and joking with each other as they walked down the aisle between the stalls toward the tack room. Cody unlocked the tack room door and went inside, followed closely by the others. Buck, sensing something unusual in the barn, had discovered the sleeping form of their fellow rider and brought it to the attention of the others.
“Do you want Lou to go off on you like she did Kid and Jimmy?” Cody exclaimed.
The other riders and Jesse looked at him in disgust. Leave it to Cody to be more worried about Lou yelling at him, than for Lou herself.
“What?” he asked defensively, not knowing why they were all looking at him so funny.
(Maybe we should get Teaspoon or Rachel?) Ike signed, his expression worried. He didn’t like how flushed Lou looked. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe Lou really was sick and hiding it from all of them.
The other riders didn’t have time to answer him, because Teaspoon took
that moment to enter the barn. Upon seeing them standing around, and bellowed
out
their names in rapid succession. “Ike, Buck, Noah, Jesse, Cody. What are
you boys still doing here? I thought you-” Teaspoon asked as he spotted
them at
the end of the aisle.
Hastily Buck hurried toward him, hoping to quiet the older man down before he woke Lou. His efforts were unsuccessful as Lou began to move around on the hay and slowly opened her eyes. Focusing her eyes on their concerned faces, Lou scrambled to a standing position. Her vision blurred momentarily and she shook her head slightly to clear it. An embarrassed expression crossed her face briefly, before being replaced with a look they all knew too well. It was a look that said that she wasn’t in the mood to be asked a lot of questions.
“What? Jeez, can’t a girl fall asleep around here or eat more than one biscuit without all of you giving me a funny look. Heck, Cody gets more sleep than the rest of us all together, and he still claims to be tired every now and then.” she growled, as she pushed her way passed them and headed into the tack room. Thankfully, the sickly smell that had upset her stomach before, wasn’t successful the second time around.
“Lou, I know that ya don’t like people messing in your affairs, but seein’s how I’m you’re boss, I got the right to ask. Are you feeling well enough to be makin’ this run? There’s no sense in saying no. One of the boys could make it for you.” Teaspoon said.
Lou came out of the tack room carrying her saddle. “Look, Teaspoon, I said I-,”she began angrily. Cody, Noah, Buck, Ike and Jesse regarded her and Teaspoon with worried looks on their faces. Something really had to be wrong with Lou for her to ever raise her voice to Teaspoon, otherwise common sense would have told her that she couldn’t expect to win an argument with Teaspoon. To their amazement, Lou’s face softened and she began again.
“Teaspoon, I’m fine, really. Like I told Kid in the bunkhouse, all I need is some time away from here. The run to Seneca is a layover and I thought I’d treat myself to a night in town. Soft bed, warm bath and good food and I’ll be good as new when I come home.”
“That sounds like a great idea Lou. Why don’t you take an extra day off? Me and the boys can look after things here.” Teaspoon told her, his ice blue eyes warning her not to object to the extra day off. Despite the way she was talking and acting, he could tell that there was something bothering her. If it wasn’t an illness of some kind, then it was this mess between her and the Kid. Either way, it was clear to him that she needed some time alone to herself and he was determined that she would have it. He would also see to it that neither Kid or Jimmy did anything to upset her when she returned, if they did it wouldn’t bode well with either of them.
Lou struggled to keep her annoyance from showing, knowing that Teaspoon was only trying to look out for her. Besides, she wouldn’t put it past Teaspoon to fire her for a day in order to get her to do what he wanted. She swallowed back a biting retort and said,“ Thanks, Teaspoon. It’ll be nice to have an extra day to myself. When’s Ben do in?”
Teaspoon pulled out his gold pocket watch and opened it up. Studying it for a moment, he replied, “‘Bout twenty minutes Lou. Boys, if you’re going to Widow Greysen’s, I suggest you hurry up. Wouldn’t want such a frail woman tending to her, uh...horse.” Teaspoon answered, winking at the two riders knowingly.
Cody and Noah hurried to saddle their horse. “Buck, Ike, Rachel’s got a list of supplies she needs from Thompkins store. There’s also a few items I added that we need from the Barns farm. They have some fresh fruits and vegetables I’ve been a hankerin’ for. Rachel says that she’ll make us peach cobbler for dessert tonight if you can get some. Jesse, you come with me.”
“Ah, Teaspoon. Why can’t I go with Buck and Ike?” Jesse protested. The thought of seeing green eyed, red hair Cindy Lou Barns made his heart beat faster.
“Because, I say so. There’s some chores at the office that need to be done, and Cindy Lou Barns is too old for you.” Teaspoon stated, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously. Jesse’s face burned with embarrassment as the others laughed.
(How does he do that?) Jesse thought as Teaspoon left the barn. (How does he know what I’m thinking about before I tell him?) Jesse shook his head in bewilderment and then ran out of the barn to catch up with Teaspoon.
“Lou, can I talk to you a moment?” Kid asked, as he approached her. Lou stood a short distance away from the bunkhouse steps, checking over Lightning’s
“What do you want Kid?” Lou replied irritabily, bending over to cinch Lightning’s saddle tighter to the horse’s back. “I don’t want to fight with you Kid, not before I leave on my run.”
“I don’t want to fight with you either. I just wanted to apologize to you for the way I’ve been acting lately. It wasn’t fair to you.” Kid said.
Lou stood up and glanced at Kid with a startled expression on her face. Kid
stood before her, with his head down and his hat in his hands. As she stood
and stared at him, he slowly lifted his face up to look at her and she could
see the sincerity and regret he felt in his eyes. Her heart filled suddenly
with all the love she still felt for him and she had to glance quickly away
less he see it written in her eyes.
“I’m sorry too, Kid. I guess I handled things kind of badly. I just thought you understood what my reasons were for saying no, I never intended to hurt you.”
“I know, now. I should have known then. I was wondering if we could start over again. Not today of course, but when you get back.” Kid added, hopefully.
“I’d like that.” Lou said, placing her hand over his for a moment, before pulling away.
Kid backed away, rubbing his hand where she had touched him as if the spot burned. “I’d better let you finish getting ready. See you when you get back, Lou. Ride safe.”
“Bye.” she said softly.
She stood and watched him as he walked out of the barn, her head full with happy thoughts, unaware that someone else had been watching them talking. A dry laugh filled her ears, startling her out of her reverie. Lou swung around to see Jimmy leaning against one of the posts holding up the bunkhouse porch. There was a scowl on his face and a look in his smoky gray eyes that startled her. Never had she ever seen such an expression on Jimmy’s face directed towards her.
“So, the two of you have made up. Go figure.” he said sarcastically, throwing up his hands in the air in exasperation. He stepped down off the porch and walked towards her.
“What’s the matter with you Jimmy? Just because Kid and I agreed to talk when I get back doesn’t mean we made up.” Lou said defensively, not understanding why she felt she had to defend herself to Jimmy. After all, it was he who had consoled her these past few months. She would have thought that he would have been happy for her.
“When are you going to understand that Kid isn’t the man for you. That you need a man who is going to love you and except you for the woman you are.” Jimmy growled, stepping so close to Lou that their bodies were almost touching.
Sudden understanding filled her, sending a tingling sensation throughout her body. Jimmy was in love with her! Why hadn’t she realized that Jimmy had stronger feelings for her? Probably because she was so caught up in her problems with Kid that she hadn’t taken the time to really notice how differently Jimmy had been treating her. Before she could think of a reply to her question, Jimmy swept her up into his arms and kissed her. The kiss lasted only for a few seconds, but to Lou it felt as if it lasted an eternity. Her legs melted and her pulse race as the kiss continued. Abruptly Jimmy broke off the kiss and stalked away, leaving her to stare at him in stunned amazement.
